Skull and Shackles Session 6: Boarding School

The crew gathered on the deck for their assignments as usual, and Chopper realized abruptly that he'd now been aboard the Wormwood for two weeks, long enough for the day's activities to seem like habit.  It was certainly a habit for most of the crew to stand slightly away from him, Feruzi, and Ezikial, and for Reiko to stand nearby but not exactly "with" them.  Even Feruzi's cluster of friendly companions, now including not just Rosie, but Samms Toppin, Jack Scrimshaw, and Giffer Tibbs stayed well away, not wanting to risk the obvious ire of Mr. Plugg or Mr. Scourge.

The wisdom of their approach became obvious as Plugg gathered the four of them in by eye and gave a very faint purse-lipped smile.  "I have special work for you today," he said.  "Boarding School."

"Cute," Chopper said, acknowledging the pun with the universal faint grimace.  Ezikial grimaced as well, not so faintly.

Plugg gestured to another of the officers who had approached.  "Ms. Krine will be in charge of your special training today."  The Master Gunner's skin was dark from long days in the sun, and her nose was misshapen from more than one break.  Her left leg was short at the knee, the difference made up by a fairly well-made wooden peg.

"In the event that we ever find a ship t'take," she snapped, "I want ye scurvy lubbers t'know how t'board 'er."  She flicked her fingers rapidly at Reiko and Chopper.  "You two, in t'longboat.  Rest at t'rail.  Hop it!"

"Great, Feruzi is left with the weird kid," she remarked, giving Ezikial a sly look.  Hands was so reticent she hadn't yet formed much of an impression of his personality, though he gave good account of himself otherwise.  He made yet another grimace which might have been amused.  Or constipated.  Feruzi decided to consider it amusement for now.  "Clearly we should conspire to show them up," she continued in a low voice.

"Not worth it," Ezikial grunted.

Feruzi snorted slightly at this rebuff.  "It would be marginally more entertaining than waiting here," she said.  It was taking some time for Reiko and Chopper to row to what Krine apparently thought was an appropriate distance and angle from the side of the ship, and the Gunner was urging them on with oaths foul and inventive, but not especially helpful.  Eventually, though, she seemed satisfied and they dropped the anchor.  Krine then brought forth a heavy coil of rope and grappling hooks.  Cog and Shivikah, a tall Mwangi woman who bore only a very passing resemblance to Feruzi, came to the rail with a barrel full of miscellaneous ship's trash--broken bottles, food too rotten to eat, bits of splintered wood.

"Right, lubbers," Krine told Chopper and Reiko, her voice carrying to the four at the rail.  "Grapple that ship, tie off yer ropes, and climb on up while that lot tries to knock you into the drink!"

"Sounds like fun," Reiko said dryly, eyeing Cog as he tossed a wormy apple from hand to hand.  She took hold of a rope and braced her feet up under the gunwhales, imitating Chopper, who seemed experienced at this sort of thing.  After a couple of experimental swings, she whirled the hook over her head and let fly, arcing it well over the rail of the Wormwood.  It landed on the deck with a solid-sounding thunk, and lodged quite firmly when she hauled on the rope.

"Good throw," Chopper told her, and released his own grapple, it also wedged somewhere and seemed firmly planted.

"Beginner's luck," Krine told them, and kicked Chopper lightly in the calf.  "Get going!"

"I really should have put my armor on for this," Reiko said, eyeing the projectiles aimed her direction.  She sighed and began climbing, hoping her weight on the line wouldn't tip the longboat over.  Fortunately, Krine leaned hard against the other side, and the boat itself seemed well-ballasted for this kind of maneuver.

"That seems backward," Chopper said, working his way onto the rope beside her.  "Armor'd slow you down.  Climb swiftly and we can toss them into the water when we get there."

"It may seem awkward," Reiko grunted, working her way upward, "but if we're attacking a ship, I'd have my armor on."  She grunted again as Shivikah nailed her in the side with a moldy cabbage, but Reiko managed to hang on, and with dogged determination she and Chopper reached the rail and clambered over.

"TRADE PLACES!!" Riaris Krine bellowed, hauling up the anchor so they could pull the longboat back in beside the ship.  Once Feruzi and Ezikial were aboard Krine loosed the grapples and ordered them to row out to the same distance as before.  Feruzi had never rowed facing backward before and had difficulty synching in with Ezikial--they went around in a circle a few times before Krine's red-faced screams straightened them out.

"I suppose I'll play by the rules and not cut the rope . . . like I would," Reiko said, watching this.  Chopper grinned.

"I have my own idea," he said.  When Feruzi and Ezikial managed to get the grapples solidly planted and tied off, he surreptitiously took hold of Feruzi's rope and waited for her to climb.  Reiko, Shivikah, and Cog all tossed garbage as before, but when Feruzi was nearly halfway up Chopper suddenly heaved hard on the rope, nearly dislodging the grapple and causing the entire arrangement to shake violently.  Feruzi yelled something about the hairy brother of a dog.  With one more heave, the grapple completely gave way, dumping her into the drink about halfway between the Wormwood and the boat.

"HA!" Chopper crowed, waving triumphantly at his furious friend, who paused in the water to make an obscene gesture.  "Fancy a swim, Ruse!  Pirate!!"  Reiko snickered, hiding her wide grin behind her hand, and they both looked over at Ezikial's remaining grapple.  Cog and Shivi were now laughing so hard they had stopped throwing, so Hands was nearly at the top.

"The next one should be easier, wouldn't you say, Chopper?" she asked humorously.  They both grabbed the rope and hauled.  Ezikial joined Feruzi in the water, cursing.

"What's that?" Chopper yelled as the pirates dissolved again into laughter.  "I couldn't hear you over the splash!"  Ezikial swam back toward the boat, but Feruzi seemed to have disappeared.

"Let 'im climb this time!" Riaris bellowed at them as Ezikial hurled the grapple back onto the deck.  The Gunner was obviously amused, though.

"Pirate!" Chopper insisted, but they resumed throwing trash.  A bottle hit Ezikial in the shoulder and he slipped off again. "Should trade your Hands for fins!" Chopper yelled.  Krine was having difficulty giving orders through tears of laughter.

"One more time, ya bloody great bastard!" she said.  Ezikial wasn't sure whether she meant Chopper or himself.  She suddenly blinked.

"You!  Feruzi!  Get back in the fuggin' boat! NOW!"  Feruzi had climbed up the side of the Wormwood and was just under Chopper's feet.  He looked down and grinned.

"Oh, hey, Ruse."  Ezikial took advantage of the distraction to haul himself rapidly up the rope.  Feruzi did not seem too amused; she reached up, grabbed Chopper's shirt, and heaved him over the ship's side into the water.  Work on the ship came to a halt as the entire pirate crew burst into fresh laughter.

"Feruzi does not need . . . ropes," she informed Chopper as they swam back to the ship. 

"Yeah, ropes are for babies!" he agreed.

"You're still a hairy brother of a dog, though."

"Da' loved that dog," he chuckled.  Ezikial managed to reach the deck amid the cheers of the crew, who pitched in to help raise and stow the longboat.

"That's the most fun I've had doin' that in years," Krine remarked.  Chopper gave her a lazy salute.  Reiko cuffed Cog on the shoulder in a companionable fashion, and he grinned, earlier hurts seemingly forgotten.  Then the merriment suddenly ebbed away.  Plugg and Scourge glared down at them from the poop deck, summoned by the commotion like demons from hell.

"Six bashes with the rope, Miss Feruzi, for failing to complete the exercise," Plugg ground out.  Feruzi eyed him but said nothing.  Chopper scowled, knowing how the Mwangi woman could be frighteningly unpredictable at times.  "Get back to work."

"So worth it," Feruzi commented under her breath.  When the Bloody Hour arrived, she was undismayed, and took the bruising strikes with barely a grunt of acknowledgement.  Scourge's usual relish quickly dissolved and he looked disgusted at the last strike and went to undo the ropes.

"A little higher, Feruzi's shoulder is sore!" the Mwangi woman said, very loudly and clearly.  A titter ran through the gathered crew, an odd sound combining amusement and alarm.  Scourge's face turned purple, and he hauled out his cat o' nine tails and gave Feruzi a nasty cut across the back.  She sucked air but did not otherwise react.

"Enough,"  Harrigan growled suddenly.  "Bloody Hour's over.  Let's eat."  Scourge nodded to the Captain and stormed off, leaving Chopper and Ezikial to let Feruzi loose. 

"It is your turn to chide Feruzi if you want," she told Chopper.

"Servants of comedy are made to suffer, Ruse," he said, patting her shoulder.  He examined the cuts on her back.  "Besides, I'm not great at lectures."

"Neither making them nor heeding them," Feruzi agreed.

"Aye."

Reiko clucked to Grok and Fishguts over Scourge's departure.  "Poor baby."  They both grinned and winked.  With the Bosun away, the crew seemed more relaxed and willing to talk.  Cog even proclaimed that Reiko was All Right as he accepted his dinner.

Chopper finished working on Feruzi's back and surveyed the group on deck, realizing that Sandara was nowhere to be seen.  Taking food from Reiko, he sought her out and found her below, already in her hammock.  "Ahoy there," she muttered, clearly a bit distressed.  "How'd it go today?"

"Er, well," he temporized.  "Feelin' all right?"

"Touch o' fever.  Nothin' a decent night's sleep shouldn't mend."

Chopper felt the redhead's forehead and cheeks gently.  "Aye, rest should do you well.  Need anything?"

"Nah, m'fine.  Thanks, though."  She hesitated as he started to withdraw. "Well, unless you know any songs I ain't heard?"

"Know?  Sure.  Can perform?  Less so."

She laughed a bit, then launched into a fit of coughing.  "And here I thought you was brave."

Chopper's eyebrows rose.  "Challenge Accepted," he said, seating himself on a barrel and clearing his throat.  He didn't get to demonstrate his skill or lack thereof, though, because Sandara was already asleep.  He watched her fondly for a while, then went off to seek his own hammock.

The next two days were unmemorable, perhaps intentionally so because Chopper could feel the tension in the crew.  Plugg and Scourge were unusually withdrawn, issuing no punishments and hardly speaking to anyone, although they watched everything, hanging over the edge of the poop deck like vultures awaiting a death.  Then Plugg began assigning Ezikial, Feruzi, and Chopper exclusively to jobs that would keep them far apart, the nastiest duties on the ship.  On the fifth day, their seventeenth aboard, Chopper found himself assigned to the bilges, usually a solitary chore.  However, when he arrived below, he discovered Fipps Chumlett, the nastiest bully among the crew, and Maheem, a massive Rahadoumi rigger with a permanent scowl, were already there.  They glanced at him and away, making a show of working.  All the hair on the back of Chopper's neck promptly stood on end, apparently wanting to escape while it could.  Chopper wished he could do the same, but he forced himself to enter the cramped hold and begin pumping.  Fipps and Maheem both were wearing daggers at their belts, he realized.  He felt his own new axe with one hand, waiting.

"Lookithat, Maheem; he's slackin'," Fipps suddenly drawled.  Chopper exhaled, slightly relieved--the bully was too stupid not to announce his attentions.

"So it's like that," Chopper said, turning to face them.

"Seems so," Maheem growled.  Both drew their knives.  Chopper kicked filthy bilgewater into their faces and shouted.

"PIRATE!!!  Come get some!"  He yanked the axe out of his shirt, but missed Fipps as the big man closed with surprising speed, the knife slicing along Chopper's arm.  Maheem circled around; Chopper dodged away, but felt the knife do some damage somewhere on his thigh.  He scooted for the ladder, but someone had shut the hatch and he couldn't open it and defend himself.  Maheem got in another cut while Chopper was distracted.  Losing blood rapidly now, Chopper dodged Fipps and managed to push the bully against the ladder.  Fipps stumbled and Chopper lived up to his name, burying the axe in the man's skull.  He twitched mightily and hurtled into the water, dead.

"You're next, sunshine," Chopper grated at Maheem, who seemed undeterred.  The massive Rahadoumi slapped Chopper's wavering axe hand aside and buried the knife in his guts.

"Oh . . . fuck," Chopper wheezed, collapsing.

Reiko looked up from scrubbing when Grok poked her head into the galley.  "Did you hear something below?" the quartermaster asked, looking baffled.  "Like someone callin' out, in the bilges?"  Reiko realized that Chopper was below, in the bilges, and cursed, dropping everything and sprinting for the hatch.

Suddenly there was a thunderous boom from below, and an enraged howl.  "NEVER TOUCH MY MATES, FOOL!"  Ezikial had heard the disturbance.  When he arrived at the bilges hatch, he discovered someone had blocked it with a heavy barrel--a very heavy barrel, that felt like it was full of lead bricks when he levered it aside, nearly rupturing himself.  Yanking his pistol from his belt, he'd aimed it right at Maheem's face and discharged it.  The effect was quite dramatic and served to interrupt the cutting of Chopper's throat, but no blood blossomed on the Rahadoumi's body or face.  Ezikial had missed.  Not just missed, he discovered as he scrabbled at the hammer, but the gun had actually misfired and was now smoking and useless.  He staggered backward up the ladder as Maheem grinned.  Then a sword came into view over his shoulder and Reiko screamed in his ear.

"MURDERER!!!" she assumed a conversational tone and continued.  "Put up your gun, Ezikial."  Then screaming again, "DROP YOUR KNIFE, YOU MURDERER!!!"  Ezikial hauled out his own short sword.

"Back away, or die," he added.  Maheem did not back away, and Ezikial caught him solidly in the shoulder, giving Reiko the opening she needed to land a numbing blow on the knife itself.  It flew from Maheem's hand and disappeared into the darkness of the bilges.  They could hear a sound like faint thunder, now, and quite a lot of shouting.  People were coming.  Reiko clubbed Maheem on top of his head, driving him down into the water besides Fipps's corpse.  She then fished the unconscious and bleeding Chopper out of the water with Ezikial's help just as Feruzi arrived, seemingly the entire crew behind her.

"What is happening?" the Mwangi woman demanded.  She spotted Chopper and her expression suddenly became terrible.  Reiko quickly sheathed her sword.  The crew looked shocked.  Sandara launched herself bodily through the press, waving her hands and yelling the words of a prayer, more a demand.  Spurred, everyone began yelling at once, and soon the lower deck was in chaos: Reiko, Ezikial, Sandara, and Feruzi trying to force their way up the ladder with Chopper in tow; Chopper woozily regaining consciousness after Sandara's healing spell; the officers trying to get into the bilges to see what was happening; and the crew generally interfering and making nuisances of themselves.  It was all too much for such tight quarters and eventually they all erupted onto the top deck, where Plugg forced himself to the fore.

"What in the HELLS is going on?!"  There was instant silence.

"Bilge party?" Chopper said, always ready with a quip even when woozy from stabbing.  Reiko nudged him.  "If anyone asks, Mr. Maheem murdered Mr. Chumlett, then turned on you," she whispered into his ear. Chopper blinked a few times, then nodded.

"Mister Hands!" Plugg snarled.  "Why did you discharge your weapon?"

"Aye, sir,"  Hands said, getting a peculiar look from Plugg.  "Because, sir, Maheem was going to kill Chopper."  Scourge approached and looked around, muttering as if he was counting.  Plugg waited for Hands to say more, but Ezikial seemed finished.

"Mr. Plugg," Reiko cut in, realizing Ezikial was out of his depth, "Our apologies, but Mr. Hands was attempting to startle Mr. Maheem into dropping his knife."

"Is that so, Mr. Chopper?"

"Aye, Maheem was tryin' ta gut me," Chopper muttered.

"I see.  Did he give a reason why?"  The three of them gaped at the question, it was so bizarre.  Chopper wasn't even sure how to formulate an answer.  It was obvious from Plugg's expression that he knew exactly what was going on.

"He just said I was slackin'," Chopper managed finally, sounding even lamer now than it had below.

"I don't see Chumlett, Mr. Plugg," Scourge said.  Plugg frowned.

"Not an easy man to miss, is he.  Where is Mr. Chumlett, Mr. Chopper?"

"You might look down in the bilges," Reiko suggested.  Plugg waved to Scourge, who vanished down the ladder.  After a few moments, he called up.

"He's down here, Mr. Plugg!  He's dead!  Murdered!"  Scourge climbed back on the deck.

"The only person conscious when Mr. Hands and I arrived was Mr. Maheem," Reiko said quickly.

"So?" Scourge demanded before Plugg could say anything.

"Well, Mr. Scourge, that would mean that Mr. Maheem is the one guilty of murder, here.  I believe that one of the ship rules was keelhauling for murder?"

"Mr. Maheem attacked Mr. Chopper AND Mr. Chumlett?" Plugg demanded, incredulous.

 

"I don't know what Maheem did once I was out, sir," Chopper offered.

"Maybe Mr. Maheem went a little crazy from the bilge air?" Reiko suggested.  "A rule is a rule.  Surely, Mr. Plugg, we can't let this go."

"Feruzi is willing to let it go," the Mwangi woman commented.

Plugg looked around him, taking a silent measure of the crew.  Maheem was still unconscious and in no position to help.  Chumlett was dead.  Almost all of those gathered around were wearing singularly blank expressions, and avoided his eyes.  He gritted his teeth. "Then let the rules be carried out," he spat.  "Master Scourge, put Mr. Maheem in the sweatbox.  We'll keelhaul him tomorrow."

The show over, the crew finally dispersed.  Feruzi tugged on Ezikial's sleeve as he passed.  "Thank you," she said, giving him a shy little smile, unusual for her.  She had to assume that his return grimace was a sort of grin.

The next few day, the mood aboard ship was extremely subdued--there was no roughhousing, no friendly chatter, people did their work in silence and avoided each other at dinner.  Clearly no one was looking forward to the keelhauling that evening, whatever their personal reasons.  It was somewhat of a relief when the call came from the lookout.

"Ship Ahoy!"  Harrigan ordered the Wormwood after her prey.  Gradually, hour after hour, she gained on the other ship, a merchantman by the looks of her, until by dawn less than half a mile separated them.  Riaris collared Chopper and the others during the preparations.

“The ship’s wheel is at aft deck, jus' below sterncastle. Yer to grapple over, kill the guards on sterncastle, take the wheel, and guard t'boats. Kill any what tries to get away, but don’ move from t'wheel 'til t'fighting’s done, or you’ll have ta answer ta me. Oh yeah, an' as we get close, it'll get foggy. Just stick to what I told ya, and don' mind anything else."  She looked at Chopper.  "Yer in charge o' the boardin' party.  Do me proud."

Skull and Shackles Session 5: Through the Stomach

The bizarre lobster-eel creatures launched themselves through the water, claws extended.  Feruzi pushed herself off the stony reef to get away and promptly went under, while the other tangled itself in Sandara's long hair, fouling her with slime.  Chopper pulled an axe from his belt and awkwardly hacked at chitin, but the force of the blow was largely blunted by the seawater.  Ezikial had more luck stabbing the other with a dagger; a dark, inky-looking substance that might be blood began to leak into the water.  With surprising flexibility, the creature reversed itself and latched on, the oversized claws removing chunks of Ezikial's flesh.

Feruzi landed a hard jab on the other creature's softer portions, but it clutched her arm, biting and snapping.  Now that it was anchored, Chopper was able to open a wide split in its back, but it still didn't let go.  Feruzi ducked as Reiko's sword whistled past, narrowly missing her and the beast.  Ezikial managed to get his blade in between the claws and mandibles, wrecking the eyes and brain.  It should have died, but instead went into violent spasms, nearly taking out one of his eyes and scoring a deep cut along Sandara's arm as she tried to get clear.  A few moments later, Feruzi managed to get at something vital on the other and it, too went berzerk, leaving her with a few more injuries, fortunately none of them serious.  She waved Chopper away impatiently. when he attempted triage.

"Feruzi is fine."

"What were those things?" he demanded.

"Ugly," was her deadpan response.  Chopper rolled his eyes and went to check on Sandara, but the Besmaran cleric waved him away as well.

"Well, we should add them to our take, anyway," he said, thwarted in his attempts at chivalry.

"That should bring an interesting expression to Plugg's face," Feruzi said.

They finished filling the final crab pot just in case, keeping an eye out for sharks or anything else that might be attracted by the blood.  The full pots and lobster monsters were heavy, but working together they returned to the Wormwood without further incident.  Plugg's expression was, indeed, peculiar--he was pleased but trying not to show it, sending Caulky Tarroon to fetch the Captain.  Harrigan himself appeared, examined their catch, and then his scarred face split in a wide grin.

"Reefclaw!  This is e'en better than I thought."  He looked at Ezikial.  "You an' yours brought these in, aye?"

Ezikial blinked at being so addressed.  "Aye, sir."  Harrigan clapped him on the shoulder and handed him a small vial full of reddish liquid.

"Good work, mate.  Here, fer yer troubles.  Mr. Plugg!  Give these swabs the rest of the day off!"

Plugg hastily concealed an affronted glare.  "Captain?" he asked, but Harrigan was already headed back to his cabin.

Sandara sidled up to Ezikial.  "What did he give you?"

"Not sure.  I'll look at it below if you want."  Reiko went back to the galley, but the others returned to their bunks, trying as best they could to dry out.  Ezikial showed the vial to Sandara, who sniffed the liquid curiously, then grinned.

"This be a healing potion, about as good as any blessing I can call from the Pirate Queen.  Congratulations."

"That . . . that's quite impressive."

"Aye, but I'll bet the Captain's favor runs out long before Plugg's anger."

"Aye," Ezikial agreed, accepting the vial back and secreting it in a handy pocket.  Sandara lay down and was soon fast asleep, and was rather woozy when Chopper woke her to share the reefclaw Reiko brought down from the kitchen.  The flesh was astonishingly tasty and made a fine meal. 

The officers and most of the crew seemed in an unusually good mood.  Feruzi overheard Grok talking to Fishguts about Peppery Longfarthing, the ship's Sailing Master and resident sorcerer.  Grok had some ribald opinions about Longfarthing's exact relationship with the Captain, and was expressing them at some length.  Fishguts shook his head, disagreeing.  "Watcha want, Feruzi?" he asked, clearly looking for a diversion.

"Feruzi is somewhat curious, because Feruzi has a sister who is also a sorcerer."

"Oh, izzat right?  Mebbe I kin tell 'er to come talk t' ye when she's gotta minute."

"That would be much appreciated.  Feruzi's sister has gone missing, so she is, of course, anxious to learn more."

"Ye don't say.  Nothin' bad, I hope?"

Feruzi's expression shifted ambivalently.  "It could be, yes."  She wavered a bit more.  "Perhaps not bad for anyone on this ship, but Ukele is . . . not lacking in malice."

"Aye, I know th' type.  It's the not knowin' that'll eatcha up in side."

Feruzi made a sign with one hand, a Mwangi ward against unfriendly listeners.  "I know little of her arts, not even how to protect myself."

"Magic jist makes my poor head spin.  Or is it the rum?  Nah, it be the magic."

"Ukele has talents beyond magic for getting her way."

"Were ye lookin' for her, then?  Port Peril sure be a long way from home fer ye."

She grimaced.  "Feruzi was in Port Peril on account of Giacomo.  Although she should be looking for Ukele.  If it were not for this life-debt."

"Ya-who?"

"Giacomo.  Chopper."  She shrugged.  "Feruzi lost the trail anyway, so there is little she can do."

"Ah. Oh."  Fishguts said, blinking a bit.  He shifted his ample stomach and continued expansively, "Well, I wouldn't lose heart, lass. The Fever Sea's vast an' deep, but it kin sometimes be a very small place."

"Knowing Ukele, far, far too small," Feruzi said, looking sour.  "The entire world might be too small."

Sandara sidled up to Chopper after they'd finished eating.  "Well hello, sailor."

He smiled.  "Ma'am."

"Get a lady a drink?  Or me, in the absence of any 'ladies'?"

"If you like, although I do recommend against it," he said, signaling Grok and her ever-ready bucket.  Sandara downed the strong grog without much noticing.

"I'd say you an' yours have more'n made up for lettin' me down at the Formidably Maid," she remarked in a teasing tone.

"Heh, well, I'm glad to hear that.  I'd half-intended to join a pirate crew anyway.  For . . . reasons . . ." he trailed off.

"Oh, yeah?  The usual reasons, or somethin' else?"

"Somethin' else, assuredly," he said quickly.

"Hey, mysterious.  That works for me," she said, poking him playfully in the side.

"Half-mad, you are."

"The better half."

"Seems so.  A little madness keeps life . . . interesting."  Sandara continued to press for more information, but it became less subtle as her mug emptied and Chopper easily diverted her into inconsequential chatter.

Reiko looked up to see Ezikial fidgeting nearby.  He spoke in Tian, awkwardly.  "Will you now tell your story?"

She replied in the Taldane usually spoken aboard the ship. "Mr. Hands, you may speak in the common tongue if it is easier for you.  My story begins about twenty years ago, if you truly desire to hear it."  He gave a vaguely affirmative grunt.  "If it is only my reason for being here that you are interested in, then perhaps that is what you should inquire about."  Reiko waited, but he didn't seem about to say more, so she continued.  "The short and the long, though, is that I am searching for my brother, whom I have not seen for nearly six years, when he first left the islands."

"Then why did you join this crew?" he asked, still in Tian.

"Mr. Hands, please, really, you must speak in Taldane. I would prefer it, actually.  It is generally not wise to speak uncommon languages aboard pirate vessels on which you have no authority."  She waited, but he didn't respond.  "As for the why and how, Mr. Hands, I joined this crew of my own accord after speaking with Mr. Scourge on the docks of Port PEril, who supposedly had information on my brother.  Keeping my effects was one of the few conditions I had before agreeing to join this crew."

Ezikial finally gave up and reverted to Taldane, although it didn't seem to help much.  "Has he given you any information, then?"

"Surely not.  If he were to give me information, he would have no reason to keep me on this ship any longer, and Mr. Scourge has no intention of keeping his promise to let me go when I want.  He does, in fact, have the information, though.  It is quite probable that the information he has is only second or third-hand, but it was a lead and I'd been in Port Peril far too long.  Much like the ocean that moves and swirls, Mr. Hands, I must also keep moving.  No one wants water that has been stagnant too long."

"Then you're not here because you really want to be here?"

"This is only one step on my journey, Mr. Hands."  She looked out over the water.  "Somewhere on this sea, my brother is living his life.  I just want to know that he is safe and has not lost his way or his mission."  She waited some more, but he appeared largely baffled by the exchange.  "Have I answered al your questions, or would you like to know more?  I really can tell you my story, but you may not get any sleep tonight."

"One last one . . . are you always 'standoffish' like this, or is it me?"

"I wouldn't particularly say that I'm standoffish.  I've not had any friends or others to specifically rely on since I left home three years ago.  I've had to depend only on myself.  I am actually quite congenial, but I don't generally go around spouting off my circumstances to complete strangers.  If someone asks, I'll share, because it is not a secret."

"Understandable."  Ezikial cleared his throat, finding this conversation extremely taxing.

"So, if by standoffish, you mean 'keep to yourself', then yes, it's me.  I try to keep my nose clean and get along with everyone.  People that don't like you won't give you the information you're looking for, especially if you are rude to them.  Mr. Hands, if I may be permitted the suggestion, perhaps you should get some more grog.  It might help clear that frog out of your throat."

Ezikial nodded and stepped away, not sure whether he'd gained anything or not.  He found a corner to drink his grog ration and watch Feruzi talking with Rosie, Jack, and another woman he thought was named Samms.  For someone so apparently unfriendly, the Mwangi woman managed to gather quite a crowd.

The next day started pleasantly enough, bright and sunny, but before midmorning the sun was no longer pleasant and by the time noon crept around it was downright excruciating.  Feruzi found herself assigned to the bilges, always disgusting but now plain hellish in the heat.  When she crept back out to receive her dinner, she discovered a woman in a red suit, wide-brimmed black hat, and carrying a long staff approaching.  Feruzi nodded politely.

"Mr. Kroop tells me that we have you and your friends to thank for last night's repast.  I salute you."

"It was luck, mostly, although the reefclaws did put up quite a fight," Feruzi replied.  "Feruzi wished to speak with you because Feruzi's sister is also a sorcerer, and wandering somewhere in this vicinity."

Longfarthing's eyebrow shot up.  "Really?  Do you know her bloodline, Miss . . ." her voice rose on a questioning note.  Feruzi looked briefly baffled, then remembered some of Chopper's quirks and pointed to herself.

"I am Feruzi.  Ukele is my sister the sorcerer.  She . . . I fear that I do not know what a 'bloodline' is."

"That's all right, it isn't so important.  What did you want to know?"

"Three things.  One, if Ms. Longfarthing has any knowledge of ways to track sorcerers.  Two, if she . . . you, that is, pardon me, if you know anything about protecting against malicious sorcery, and third, where Fer . . . I might search for someone who is after sorcerous power."  Longfarthing frowned, considering, and Feruzi added, "Wherever wealth and power is to be had, that is where Ukele will be.  Likely with a deathgrip upon it."

"A diviner might be able to track your missing sister.  My own magic is too . . . elemental for that application.  There are wards that can protect against magic.  I had an amulet that kept diviners from finding my location, once.  Lost it in a card game about three years ago."

"It is good to know such things exist," Feruzi offered.

"Depending on your sister's talents, there are many who might seek to recruit her.  Every Free Captain wants a spellcaster on her ship, even the ones that ARE spellcasters."

Feruzi nodded.  "Feruzi thanks you for this information.  One last thing . . . is there any possibility that Feruzi might learn these sorcerous arts?"

Longfarthing shrugged.  "Sorcery runs in the blood, so it is not learned so much as born.  But anything is possible."

Feruzi bowed.  "Your generosity is extreme.  Should you require, Feruzi stands ready to render assistance."

Longfarthing nodded.  "I shall remember that."  Feruzi sighed and relief and wiped the sweat from her forehead.  She walked over to where Chopper was talking to the ship's other halfling, named Rattline.  It sounded like Chopper was encouraging the tiny man to pursue Rosie, but Rattline was having none of it.

"Woman like that can do better'n a rat like me," he insisted.  "Not that I ain't thought about it, though."

"If you say so," Chopper replied.  "It just seemed, well, you're a storyteller, she's a musician.  Might be a chance there."  Ezikial tapped his shoulder abruptly.

"Hmm?"  Mr. Hands pointed pointed with his chin across the deck, to where Reiko was addressing the two deck officers.

"Mr. Plugg, Mr. Scourge, might I have a word with the two of you?"

"Oh, no," Chopper mouthed silently.

"Regarding?" Plugg asked coolly.

"Regarding something Mr. Scourge told me before I boarded this ship."

Plugg actually looked amused.  "Oh, really?"

"Yes.  I would prefer, however, to speak with just the two of you," Reiko said, glancing meaningfully at their usual crowd of hangers-on.  Plugg waved them away.

"Very well.  What is this about?"

Reiko looked Scourge up and down, seemingly in no hurry.  "Mr. Scourge, you really should relax a bit.  Would you like me to call Ms. Grok and have her bring some more rum for you?"  Scourge began to spit out something uncouth, but Plugg glared at him and he accepted the grog with poor grace.  Reiko smiled disarmingly.  "Mr. Plugg, prior to accepting my agreement to join the Wormwood's crew, Mr. Scourge described a certain person to me, as if he'd met the person himself.  I, of course, made the assumption that I would be able to find out more information when I joined the crew.  I do know, full well, that Mr. Scourge has no intention of keeping his end of this bargain.  The point is, even if he didn't have first-hand information, he got it from somewhere.  So I figured the best person to ask would be you, Mr. Plugg."

It took Plugg a few moments to decipher this, while he looked at Reiko somewhat askance.  "Which person is that, Reiko-san?"

"My brother, Nakayama Tatsumi.  I want to know how Mr. Scourge knows of my brother, even if it is only to give me the person who gave him the information."

Plugg turned to look at the Boatswain, who wiped his mouth irritably.

"Yeah, I seen him."

Don't Criticize if You Can't Understand?

If you've ever criticized anything, you've probably run across some high-nosed individual telling you that you aren't allowed to criticize something if you haven't made something better, yourself.  Now, this is inane--you don't have to be an all-star football player to have an opinion about a player or team.  You don't need to be a professional author with a slew of published books in order to have an opinion on the quality of a given book.

However, I think there's something worth looking at in this idea, because if you're interested in a given subject or area of expertise, criticism is most valuable to YOU if you make an effort to figure out how you would do it differently or better.  It's no use just saying something is bad or good, and while it's of some value to know why you think it's good or bad, to get the very most mileage out of it, you need to actually identify and fully articulate what specifically would be better.

That's no guarantee that your way will actually be better, particularly if you're inexperienced, but at least you're constantly taking constructive steps on refining your craft.

Skull And Shackles Session 4: Stormy Weather

Morning came, but with it no dawn, only pewter sky, silver rain, and leaden sea that rolled all around the Wormwood, the great heavy waves jostling her like an indifferent crowd, threatening to knock her down and trample her should she falter.  The crew hunched together on her deck, already wet and shivering, clutching the rations that must sustain them through the grinding effort to come.  Behind them were calmer waters, but ahead the clouds mounted the sky seemingly without end, an uncharted range they must now endeavor to scale.

Feruzi looked up into the rigging, trying to quell her impulse to shrink from the water and the chill, knowing there was no use and it would only exhaust her.  "There is always a storm sooner or later," she remarked, sententious in her philosophy.

"That's nature for you," Reiko agreed, unruffled in hers.

Mr. Plugg, wet as the rest of the crew but somehow looking less sloppy, dispensed assignments with a few curt gestures.  Chopper found himself straining at one of the mainsail's halyards.  Ezikial was banished to the sloshing bilges, Feruzi patching and repairing the tarry caulking nearby.  Reiko had little to do--the galley was all-but-unusable while the ship wallowed before the wind, the fires damped, the cutlery stashed and secured.  Even the animals were still and nearly silent, anxious but not terrified.

"May as well sit down an' take yer ease while ye can, lass," Fishguts said, gesturing with his tin cup.  "'Tis likely will only get worse."

"Ah," Reiko said, considering.  "I'll be back in a moment, Mr. Kroop.  I need to speak to Mr. Cogward."

Fishguts shrugged.  "I think ye'll find 'im swabbin' the decks."  Reiko gave him an odd look.

"In all this rain?  That makes no sense.  In any case, I'll be back shortly."  She slipped up to the top deck and looked around, passing Chopper, who was grimacing at his rope-reddened hands.  Cogward was working not far from Aretta Banison, the big-eared ex-harlot they'd clashed with some time ago.  Reiko let her eyes slide past them, looking for Sandara Quinn as well, who was lugging a heavy rope not far away.  "Mr. Cogward," she said, pitching her voice to carry, but trying not to shout.  "Could you come down to the galley?  You are needed for a moment."

He blinked, clearly surprised by this request, then shrugged and headed for the hatch all the same.  Reiko gestured to Sandara as the redhead passed.

"How's this fine Shackles weather treatin' ya?" Sandara asked.

"I love this kind of weather.  Or, rather, just after the storm when the sky finally clears.  I need a favor, please, Ms. Quinn, but I need it kept secret as well.  Would you come down to the galley with me?"

Cogward must have dawdled somewhere, because he arrived at the galley only moments before Reiko, heralded by Fishguts' cheerful bellow. "Oi, Cog, Reiko was just lookin' for ya!"  Cog hesitated, clearly taken aback.

"Please, go inside, Mr. Cogward," Reiko said behind him, making him jump.  He stepped warily into the galley and turned so that his back was to the wall--as much as it could be in those cramped quarters--and so that he could see Kroop, Reiko, and a moment later Sandara when she came in.  Reiko smiled disarmingly.

"How is your hand doing, Mr. Cogward?"

Cog grunted.  "Not bad, long as I don't close it all the way."

Reiko turned to look at Sandara.  "Ms. Quinn, do you think you could heal him like you did for me last night?"

Sandara visibly relaxed.  "Of course!  If you'll let me, Mr. Cogward."  After a long, suspicious pause while Reiko smiled as encouragingly as possible, he extended his injured hand, glancing nervously away as if he feared the sight.  Sandara smirked slightly at this show of squeamishness and made a pass with her fingers.  The scabby, inflamed cuts faded away.  Reiko bowed to her.

"You have my gratitude, and I will most certainly make this up to you."

"Heh, my pleasure," Sandara said.  She winked at Cog and sauntered out of the galley.

"That should do," Reiko said to Cogward.  "I do hope, however, that you will keep this between us.  It wouldn't do any good to spread it around.  I do apologize if I was overly rough.  Of course, I know you understand that there are always consequences for everything we do.  I do hope we can be friends.  I am not here to make enemies."

Cog glanced at Fishguts.  "I can't say I 'preciate you trickin' me down here to help me, but I guess I 'preciate you helpin' me," the swab said awkwardly.

"Well, I am glad I could help.  Perhaps now would be a good time for you to return to work."

"I, uh, yeah, I reckon so."  He left with even more than due haste.

Feruzi paused near Jack Scrimshaw on one of her trips for more tar.  The human shot her a nervous glance, and Feruzi attempted to compose her face into a pleasant expression.  "I understand you have a talent for carving," she remarked. 

"It's as good a way to pass the hours as any," he said, nodding awkwardly.

"I would like to see an example of your work sometime.  I take an interest in craftsmanship."

"Oh, aye?  I got one here I bin working on."  He pulled a bit of whale ivory out of his pocket, half-carved into the shape of a narwhal.

"This is fine work," Feruzi told him after examining it for a while.  "I carve as well, but nothing this detailed."  She unshipped her bow and held it out to him with both hands, bowing slightly as she did so.  "I made this myself, but you can see it lacks ornamentation.  Perhaps we could trade our skills.  A bow is a useful thing to have."  She smiled when Scrimshaw looked dubious.  "I would also be pleased to instruct you in the art of archery, as well.  Nothing earns respect like a keen eye.  With an arrow behind it."

"Oh, er, I, I'd like that very much, Miss Feruzi," Scrimshaw managed.

By evening bell, the storm had worsened enough that dinner was served in the middle hold.  Chopper was looking sullen and sodden, so Feruzi handed him a dry-ish blanket.  "Rough day?" she asked.

"Aye," he said, displaying blistered palms.  "The ropes are hard enough when they don't fight back."

"Fortunately, the weather seems to be keeping tempers down."  Chopper's only response to this was a shrug.  Owlbear waved at them with unabashed enthusiasm, so she left to go squat beside the giant, fortunately before Chopper could finish assembling a gibe about Feruzi's new beau.  Feruzi declined an offer of live crabs as politely as possible.  Owlbear seemed a bit disappointed, but not badly so.

"So that went all right with Cog, then?" Sandara asked Reiko.  The redhead sat over her mug of grog as if it were a fire that could warm her.

"I believe so. He doesn't seem to hate me so much now, at least."

"Good. Glad to hear it.  Chopper wasn't too pleased about it all."

Reiko sighed.  "Yes, Cogward is not entirely a bad person.  A little misguided, perhaps, but not bad."

"So are you a student of people, as it were?  Good and bad?"

"You could say that.  I actually prefer non-violence.  If all problems could be solved with words, the world would be a much better place, never mind safer."

"You ain't wrong."

Reiko's perpetual smile tightened, shark-like.  "Of course, not liking to fight doesn't mean not knowing how.  I'm sure you've figured that out already, though."

"Sure, sure," Sandara replied.  "I'd just as soon avoid a scrap, too, but I can take care of myself in one."

"Good to know," said Reiko.  "Oh, yes, I've been meaning to ask you, Ms. Quinn, if you've seen or heard of my brother, Nakayama Tatsumi.  He may go by Kairi Tatsumi, also."

Sandara frowned slightly, derailed a bit.  "Nah, that doesn't sound familiar. Ask me again when I'm sober, though, just in case."

With nothing much else to do, Ezikial strolled across the deck, fetching up beside Feruzi who appeared to be wrestling with a long bit of seasoned yew--wrestling, and losing.  She looked up and caught his questioning expression.

"I thought we might be well served to ensure the crew is reasonably armed," she said.  He scowled.

"I can only make firearms and I have no desire to train another in their use."

"Oh?  Why not?"

"Because without long and thorough training, they're more dangerous to the shooter than to their target.  Besides, the materials on this ship are somewhat lacking."

"Not that lacking, and the same is true of most weapons. But I shall take your word for it.  I would like to see these 'firearms' of yours some day."

"You'll notice when I use mine.  You won't be able to avoid it."

"I look forward to it," she replied, scowling at her yew.  "It seems a slow evening.  We would all benefit from some rest."

The rest was a short one.  Before dawn had properly come the weather had become a gale, the Wormwood now more like a wild horse than a ship, the bit between her teeth and running.  All other duties were abandoned as the crew wrestled with the rigging.  Despite the emergency, tensions ran high--there were few opportunities so perfect to give someone a surreptitious nudge overboard and never be troubled with them again.  The practiced crewmembers all being busy, Plugg gestured Feruzi into the crow's nest for lookout.  Gritting her teeth, she managed the climb without incident and attempted to imitate a barnacle clinging to the top of the mast.  The Wormwood twisted slightly, fighting the helm, and a mountain of water crashed over the deck, almost upsetting her.  Feruzi waved wildly from the crow's nest, pointing.

"MAN OVERBOARD!!" she yelled, uncertain if anyone could hear.  Ezikial flung himself at the gunwhales in time to spot a terrified Rosie hurtling up the side of another wave, borne rapidly away from the ship.  The halfling's terrified cry reached him, and he remembered the race was notorious for dread of drowning and inability to swim.  Reacting more than thinking, he hurled a coil of rope in her direction and braced himself just in time.  Despite Rosie's small size, the terrific jerk as she caught the line nearly pulled him overboard.  He hung on, unable to accomplish anything to improve the situation.  Chopper's broad hands caught the line as well, and Reiko planted her feet, taking the trailing end over her shoulder and lending them her full weight.  Rosie broke the surface, although Ezikial wasn't sure she was getting any breath around that stream of vile curses.  Slowly, they dragged her closer, until Chopper could reach down to haul her aboard, mostly by her hair to Rosie's extreme displeasure.

"Swim time is over, Rosie.  Rules is rules," he remarked as he deposited the waterlogged halfling at his feet.

"Good grief, woman, be more careful!" Reiko added.

"Bastards!" Rosie cursed at them, grinning weakly.  "Ugly oversized humans!  Eh, I love ya anyway."

Night came, but there was no rest for anyone, only endless labor.  Still, by the next morning the wind had slackened and there was time for a bit of biscuit and a few gulps of scalding bitter tea before Scourge shouted them back to work, many so exhausted they seemed indifferent even to his worst threats. 

Chopper made it a few feet up into the rigging before he slumped, unable to continue--hauling Rosie aboard had drained what little was left of his stamina.  Ezikial shook him, but Chopper just hung there, unresponsive.  Scourge's back was to them, so Hands grasped the bigger man around his ribcage and lowered him back to the deck.  Sandara shot them a worried look, saw Scourge was starting to turn, and hurried to head him off while Feruzi charged up with a blanket. 

With Feruzi's help or interference, Ezikial was able to manhandle the stupefied man off the deck, but he could hear whatever altercation Sandara had started rapidly escalating in volume.  "Go help!" he told Feruzi shortly when she hesitated.  Looking somewhat offended, she returned to the deck in time to see Sandara grab Scourge's collar and spit right in his face.  The air seemed to crystallize as he reached up and wiped his face, a mostly symbolic gesture in the ongoing drizzle.  Sandara backed away a step at Scourge's smirk.

"Take her in hand, men," he said, gesturing to his cronies and turning away to fish for a ring of keys.  Sandara turned to look at Fipps, only to see the man glance over her shoulder and freeze in place.  Feruzi was standing there, fixing Scourge's loyal men with a stare so implacable it nearly made Sandara recoil anew.  They stood there, unmoving, while Scourge unlocked the little metal box on the deck, the sweatbox, and then turned around, his expression suddenly turning baffled.  The cronies looked at him for instruction, and Feruzi hissed.  Sandara caught some intention in the Mwangi woman's eyes, but too late to decipher it, something blurred and she hit the deck.

"Disrespectful slut!" Feruzi shouted, trying not to look around to see if anyone was buying this.  She heaved Sandara's dazed body over, sliding a bottle of water and package of biscuits into the redhead's belt as she did so.  Scourge and company looked rather more baffled than anything, but finally Scourge gave a slow nod and they loaded Sandara into the sweatbox without further incident.

"Let's give 'er eight hours an' see where we stand," Scourge remarked, dismissing the rather bizarre incident.  Feruzi shook her head slightly, not sure if she'd accomplished anything useful.  Her unexpected action seemed to have soured Scourge's enjoyment, at least.  By evening, everyone was so utterly strung out that even the officers hardly seemed to care.  They all gathered without conversation to gnaw at some food.  Reiko slipped some down to Chopper, followed by Ezikial and Feruzi, and the four of them slumped in companionable misery.

"I think I have made a mistake, Mngani," Feruzi mentioned.

"Huh?" was Chopper's brilliant reply.

"Quinn distracted Scourge while Mr. Hands took you below, but she infuriated him quite badly, so he put her in the sweat box.  I intervened because I feared things might escalate, but I think I may have knocked her out.  A bit more forcefully than I intended.  Apologies."

"Wait.  What?"

Feruzi sighed and forced herself to slow down.  "I was not sure what else to do; it could have turned ugly very quickly.  I was able to sneak her some food and water, though.  She should be all right, maybe even grateful for the rest."

"Not that!  Scourge boxed her?  The hell for?"

"She spat in his face, Mngani."

"Hah!" Chopper barked, delighted.

"In front of the entire crew.  I did not hear the details of their . . . discussion."

Chopper turned pensive for a moment, then gave it up.  "Nah, I think you did fine, Ruse.  Better you than another."  He paused.  "Thank you."

"I did not like the idea of Scourge's cronies manhandling her.  We shall see.  In any case, good night."

Scourge let Sandara out of the sweat box the following evening.  She looked awful, but held her chin up as Reiko passed her some food.

"Apologies," Feruzi offered.  "Not my best plan."

"S'all right," Sandara groaned, feeling the tender spot on her face where Feruzi's blow landed.  "Shoulda seen that comin', I guess."

Feruzi shrugged.  "What caused the spitting incident, if I may ask?"

"Oh, I was just callin' his manhood into question, tryin' to keep his attention."

"It might be wise for you to pretend to be angry at me," Feruzi suggested.  "Or not.  I leave it to your discretion."  She smiled a bit.  "That, and Chopper can take his own licks fairly well.  No need to risk yourself, although I am sure the impulse does you credit."

"Yeah, you didn't have to--" Chopper began.

"Well, I didn't want Mr. Hands gettin' the cat, too," Sandara interrupted him.  "Truth be told, I ain't never been much for thinkin' things through beforehand, as it were.  I didn't have to, but it's done and done."  Ezikial leaned forward and offered her his flask.  "Black Queen bless you," she muttered and took a swallow, handing it back.  He shook his head.

"Finish that, mate."

"Bless you again, Ezikial Hands."  She gulped the liquor happily.

"Well, I owe you," Chopper said, smiling weakly.

"Mark me, I'll find SOME way ta collect on that debt," she replied meaningfully.

The next day found them sailing into shallow waters, treacherous with the jagged heads of many reefs.  Most of the sails were furled, slowing them to a crawl.  The day was hot and bright with little breeze to liven it, and the crew became annoyed and restive at the painfully slow progress.  Finally, in the afternoon, Mr. Plugg appeared with a stack of crab pots and gestured yet again to his most favorite crewmembers.

"The Captain wants fresh crab for supper," he announced, pointing to a particularly nasty-looking reef about 200 feet off the starboard.

"Talk to Owlbear," Chopper shot back instantly, startling everyone.

"Bigger than that," Plugg growled.  "You lot can swim out there, fill these pots, and swim back.  And take that Besmaran with you."

"Swim?" Feruzi asked incredulously.  They all exchanged dismayed looks, then peeled off their outer clothes.  Ezikial, Reiko and Sandara pulled rapidly away from the ship, but Chopper hesitated on seeing Feruzi's determined dog-paddle, his expression pained.

"I could teach you how to swim proper, Ruse,"

"Feruzi is fine," she insisted, sneezing out some water as she nearly went under.  Despite her lack of grace, they made steady progress and reached the reef without mishap.  Feruzi vanished under the water, flailed around, then came bobbing back up, displaying her prize.  "I have one," she announced, followed by a loud snap and a startled yelp.  The crab abruptly went sailing overhead to vanish into the distance.

"Had," Reiko remarked as they all tried desperately not to laugh.  Well, all but Sandara, who proceeded to splash everyone vigorously in abandoned glee.  Chopper retaliated by chasing her with a crab.  In seconds, the situation had degenerated into a melee.  Still, they had managed to fill three of the four pots when a few smallish creatures emerged from the reef and began making a beeline toward them.  Pincers outstretched, they resembled gigantic lobsters, but their tails, whipping sinuously through the water, looked more like an eel.

"Uh oh," Sandara said.

Well THAT Didn't Last Long

I tried the elimination diet, really I did, but I couldn't eat enough chicken and turkey and lamb (all of them fairly lean) to quiet the ravenous hunger I developed.  I tried drinking lots of water, but it was actually making me feel sick to my stomach.  So, last night, I drank about 1400 calories worth of cream.  Did I mention I was hungry?  And then I followed it up with about 800 calories of cheese.  Yeah.

Fortunately, I'm not suffering any ill effects that I can discern, apart from NOT BEING HUNGRY.  That, and I didn't notice any effect on my lingering issues on the days when I stuck with the elimination.  I think my rosacea comes from something other than diet--NOTHING has an effect on it.  I've tried every type of moisturizer under the sun.  Cold showers (actually make it worse).  Lukewarm showers.  Changing detergents.  Changing fabric softeners.  No soap.  Special soap.  Organic soap.  Special organic soap.

When it warms up, maybe I'll try the effects of a (moderate) amount of sunshine.  Or it could be bacterial overgrowth in the intestines (maybe) in which case I'll need prescription antibiotics.  Oh well.

Skull and Shackles Interlude: Owlbear and Feruzi

Rosie headed down to bed, but stopped when she heard some peculiar whimpering sounds coming from across the way.  Mystified, she crept closer, then realized where they must be coming from.  Someone must be tormenting Owlbear again.  Not sure whether she wanted to witness the fun or chase the tormentors off, she hurried toward the giant's usual haunt, only to discover him lying on his side in a whimpering ball with Feruzi hunched over him.

"Watcha doin'?" Rosie asked, shocked at this sight.  Feruzi looked up, brandishing a smooth length of sanded wood.

"Getting this tar off."  She demonstrated with the scraper and the turpentine.  Owlbear whimpered in pain as more reddened, blistered-looking skin was revealed, but remained where he was.

"Oh," Rosie said, not sure if she was relieved or appalled.  "I thought ye might . . . I dunno what I thought, really.  I'm fookin' amazed he's holdin' still fer it, though.  He's a cussed brute.  By rights he should be wringing your neck after that drubbin' ya gave him."

"Why?"  Feruzi asked in an idle tone.

"Why?!" Rosie demanded, baffled.  "'Cause ye beat him up, that's why!  Made him look a fool--an even worser fool than what he is--in front o' all the crew!  And I'll not be surprised if Plugg gave 'im a few choice marks fer losin'!"

Feruzi seemed startled.  "I doubt he would be so foolish."

"Ye do realize he's an idiot?" Rosie grumbled.

"He may be simple-minded, but he is wiser than most on this ship.  They strike out from fear and rage, like wounded animals.  He understands that I have no fear, so he does not fear me."

"Yer a fool too, if ye don't fear what Plugg and Scourge an' all them might do to ye."

"I do not.  Oh, no doubt they could do Feruzi great harm or even kill her if they tried, but that is not reason to fear them.  They are small men with small minds and smaller souls.  They do not have the power to make Feruzi other than what she is.  So she does not fear."

"You think you could take 'em in a fight?"

"No.  They would defeat me.  But they cannot make me into what they are."

"I don' understand.  They're stronger'n ye are, so ye have to do what they say."

"But I choose how to do it.  I could have beaten Owlbear until he was pulp at my feat, laughed and cursed and paraded about how strong I was."

"Aye, and be better off for it--the crew would leave you alone."

"Would they?  Owlbear is strong, and they fear him--individually.  Together, they pull cruel pranks and make his life a misery.  One who seeks to gain from the cowardice of others must ever watch for the viper in his sleep-mat."

"We got a few vipers around here ye should watch for."

Feruzi smiled.  "Yes, but they must attack from the front."  She scrubbed at the last bits of tar clinging to her hands.  "All finished, Mr. Hartshorn.  Better?"

"Hurts," Owlbear whined.

"I know, but this way it will heal and stop hurting."  He sighed and laid his head against her foot, like a loyal dog.

"Tank.  You." he grunted.

Rosie shook her head.  "I won't ever understand yer way o' thinkin', but I admit, it gets results," the halfling said. 

Skull and Shackles Session 3: Fighting Well

"What are you waiting for," Mr. Plugg growled. "There's something in the bilges that bit Mr. Scrimshaw. Get in there and don't bother coming out until whatever's down there is dead."

Feruzi frowned slightly. "If we go down there, does that mean we have to be dead before we can come up?"

Plugg's attempted a withering stare, but Feruzi didn't seem inclined to wilt.  "We'll just have to see." 

"I see that irony is not a big thing around here," Feruzi remarked as they headed belowdecks.

"I doubt they understand it," Ezikial replied in an equally offhand tone.

"Are we killing this thing or what?" Reiko demanded, already well ahead of them.  She stopped at the last hatch to don her armor.  Feruzi eyed it, her expression overly bland.

"What?" Reiko asked, shrugging.

Feruzi shrugged in return.  "If you have your crutch ready . . ."

"I'm no fool."

"In the Mwangi, it is dangerous to wear anything that could tire or slow you.  I suspect the same may pertain here, but we shall see."  Feruzi heaved the hatch up out of the way and Chopper trotted rapidly down the steep stair-ladder.  The lowest deck of the ship was a foul, damp place filled with thick cobwebs and knee-deep in stinking water.  In times of trouble it served as the ship's brig, with six sets of manacles fixed to the forward bulkheads.

"I hear splashing," Ezikial commented.

"I don't see anything, though," Reiko said.  "It must be pretty small, whatever it is."

"Sadly, small is not the same as harmless," Feruzi said.

"Where?" asked Chopper.

"Over by those bags," Ezikial indicated.

Chopper picked his way carefully through the sludge over to some barley sacks stacked above the water.  As he drew near, something erupted near his legs and began biting. "Oh, what the hell!" he grunted, dodging backwards.  Ezikial stabbed with his shortsword, but the blade found nothing.  Feruzi knocked an arrow, but couldn't find a target.  Chopper flailed with his axes, and something began to squeal excitedly.

"Get out of the water," Feruzi told him.

"A little busy!"  Stirred into some kind of frenzy, the creatures burst forth: enormous, filthy rats the size of small dogs.  They piled onto Chopper, Reiko, and Ezikial. 

Reiko shouted and hacked one in half with her razor-sharp katana.  "Gross," she stated as the still-squirming halves fell into the water.

"Just don't cook it for dinner," Feruzi said wryly.

"That's a promise."

One of the rats managed to latch on just above Chopper's knee, causing him to grunt again and jerk the leg away.  He hit it on the head with an axe, narrowly missing his own leg.  The rat thrashed, then was still.  An arrow spitted another rat near him while Reiko dispatched the fourth.  "I hate rats," she said.

"It's not good to hate," Chopper chided her.  "Rots the soul."

"I'll take a rat-sized rotting on my soul, then.  Or perhaps a dog-sized rotting in this case."

Ezikial spitted the last enormous rat on his sword, and the bilges were silent once again.  Feruzi gathered up the rat corpses to show to Plugg.  "We should get out of this filthy water before we catch something vile," she commented.

"Aye," said Chopper.  They took a quick look around, finding a few odd lost valuables--a high-quality handaxe, a small vial with the symbol of Calistria on it, and a bag with a few gold coins.  Apparently, when things vanished under the water, nobody was too keen to retrieve them.

Feruzi dumped the corpses on deck.  "We are victorious," she summed up, and went to wash.

"By the Eye, look at those wretched things," Plugg said, clearly disgusted.  "Well done.  We might make pirates of you yet."

"Aye, sir," Chopper said without enthusiasm.  "I was bitten.  Could you direct me to the ship's surgeon?"  Plugg gestured for Caulky Tarroon to fetch the Stitchman.

"Mind if I go clean up and get back to work, Mr. Plugg?" Reiko asked.

"Please do," he responded pleasantly.

"Unless, of course, you have anything else you'd like me to slice up?"

"I'll let you know."

Habbly Quarne arrived and set to work on Chopper's leg.  Chopper assisted, attempting to strike up a conversation, but with Plugg watching Quarne was not talkative.  Chopper's skill was not lost on the surgeon, however.  Chopper thanked him and headed back to work.  The remainder of the day passed quietly, without even a showy discipline during dinner.

Feruzi looked to find the halfling Rosie Cusswell, who appeared to be in a much better mood, throwing her arms around Feruzi's waist as the Mwangi huntress approached.  "Did everything work out for you?"

"Fookin' yeah it did!  Thanks!  I'm gonna play the bawdiest songs I know after dinner!"

Feruzi laughed.  "I shall enjoy that."

Reiko waved to Grok, then leaned over to Fishguts and spoke quietly.  "She often forget to lock up the store?"

"Damn it, not again," he growled.  "Yeah, she's pretty bad like that."

"Want me to let her know, or do you have a key?"

"Nah, it's just 'er.  I'll tell 'er."

"All right, then," Reiko said, and helped him finish distributing food to the crew.  She sidled over to Grok. 

"I heard you took care of a problem in the bilges today," the half-orc said.

"I did," Reiko affirmed.  "It was quite messy.  I don't really like rats, at all.  Ever.  Full of diseases.  Could turn nasty with them around."

"Me neither," Grok said, making yuck noises.  "Those little naked feet, and they'da eaten everything down there.  That's our food."

"It looked as though they came out of one of the bags of barley."

"Yeah, Harrigan picked that shit up from Port Peril on the cheap.  Serves 'im right."

Reiko lowered her voice.  "Oh, Ms. Grok, by the way, I assume Mr. Kroop has already told you about the store?"

"What about it?"

"That you'd forgotten to lock it on your way out?  If you need help with remembering to lock it up, I'd be more than happy to remind you."

Grok's skin visibly paled.  "Oh, crap!  I knew I forgot somethin'!  Bless ya, Miss Reiko, ya saved my arse!  That'd be damned helpful of ya.  Swear I'd forget my arms an' legs if they wasn't attached."  A few nearby pirates had turned at the sound of her exclamation, but they returned to their arm wrestling, apparently unconcerned.

"Of course.  Perhaps we can work out a trade of some kind," Reiko said, then laughed, as if she had told an amusing joke.  Grok's return chortle was a bit broad and theatrical.  She headed below to correct her error. 

Reiko snickered and walked over to the arm wrestling.  "Mind if I join in, gentlemen?"  They shifted to make room for her.  Crimson Cogward, the man wearing the blue Varisian scarf, seemed willing to take her on.  Reiko smiled at him and stretched out her arm.  The board they were using was strewn with nails and bits of broken glass--apparently, it wasn't sporting enough for them unless somebody got hurt.  Cog took Reiko's hand and yowled in surprise as she easily forced it down into the painful debris.  Chopper scowled, watching this, and looked like he wanted to approach, but as several of the more hostile crew crowded up, he held back.

"I got a new deck of cards today," Sandara Quinn remarked nearly in his ear. 

"Cards?" he said, perking up.

"Yeah, we were gonna play tonight, right?"

"Aye," Ezikial said.

"Er," Chopper hesitated, looking around.  "Sure thing."

"Me, you, Feruzi, and maybe Reiko," Ezikial added.

"Feruzi does not know the cards," she said from where she was listening to Rosie scrape away at the fiddle.  The halfling's playing was excellent, but her voice more enthusiastic than professional.

"You'll pick it up quick, Ruse," Chopper said.

"I'll teach you," Sandara offered, winking.

"Feruzi is also not foolish enough to gamble on a game she does not comprehend.  Enjoy, I shall seek other entertainments."

Chopper frowned.  "Sorry, I keep trying to socialize her, but . . ."

"We don't have to play for money," Sandara said.

"I have no money anyway," Ezikial added.  "Come on, Feruzi," he insisted.  "Join us.  Below."  She eyed him for a long moment, then shrugged.

"Very well, if you insist."

"What about Reiko?" Sandara asked.  Chopper glanced over to where she was squaring off  against Jape, the half-orc he'd tusseled with the previous morning.

"Eh.  She can catch the next hand."  Reiko's match with Jape was hard-fought, but in the end he succeeded in forcing her hand to the table.  Sneering, he got up and basked in the applause of his cronies.

Reiko flexed her bleeding hand.  "That smarts.  Mind if we go another round?"  The half-orc looked shocked, but nodded in agreement.  Reiko smiled, and then all-but-hurled Jape's hand to the table, sending bits of danger flying everywhere.  He howled in pain and leapt to his feet, fleeing the deck amidst gales of laughter.

"Hey, Jape!"  Chopper yelled.  "Need me to cut it off?"  Sandara laughed until she had trouble breathing. 

"I'd feel for him," Reiko said, "But all's fair in love and pirates."

"Reiko-tono, will you join us below for cards?" Ezikial said insistantly.  She blinked at him, then seemed to get the point. 

"I apologize, Mr. Hands, I'm not much for playing cards, but I may come down and join you all for some conversation in a bit."

"Aye," Ezikial said, and led the way down to their quarters.  The only other person around was Tilly Brackett, who already had too much to drink and was sleeping it off.  Sandara dealt out hands as the others filed in.  Reiko showed her cuts to Chopper.

"Think you can have a look at this?" she asked.

"Mm.  Looks painful."

"Still better than the other guy.  Guys." Sandara said, chuckling.

"You could've offered him an out once it was clear he was beaten.  I mean, fuck Jape, but . . ."

"Well, it's a contest, Mr. Chopper.  If I hadn't done it to him, he'd have done it to me.  He'll be better for the experience, I'm sure."

"I disagree," Chopper grunted, but he still picked the bits of glass out of her hand and bandaged it up.  "All I'm saying is, a bit of mercy can work in your favor as well as a show of force."

"Mm.  This way he'll probably be disinclined to spend so much time with Mr. Scourge, if you catch my meaning."

"I don't follow that line of logic, no."

"Oh, you must have missed when he was hanging out with Scourge's crew the other night.  I think he'll be the better for this display.  And, really, his wound is no worse than mine."  Reiko grinned.  "Mr. Jape's wound, on the other hand might not fare so well."

"Aye, here's hopin'," Sandara said.  "A bit of the rot might do 'im in.  Lemme see that hand, Reiko, I can mend it for ya."  She took the Tian woman's hand and muttered a spell, closing the worst of the cuts.

Feruzi rubbed her head.  "I would simply  be happy to be shut of this vessel."

"For that, we'll need a spit of land," Ezikial said.  "Or another vessel."

"I don't fancy our chances on the open sea.  Sharks, etcetera.  We haven't actually done any piracy.  No wonder I've never heard of Harrigan."

"We could always steal a boat," Feruzi said.

"A rowboat?" Chopper replied skeptically.  "You landlubber."

"Fever Sea's a big place, an' no mistake," Sandara said.  "Harrigan's huntin' fer a prize.  Should only be a matter of time before he finds one.  If he don't, well . . ."

"Well?" Chopper asked as the sentence petered out.

"Folks will start gettin' itches soon," Reiko explained.

"I don't see anyone on this ship with a hope to replace Harrigan that I would prefer," Feruzi said.

"That, Ms. Feruzi, is not the point," Reiko huffed.

"Harrigan's a nightmare walkin' in the day, no mistake," Sandara said.  "But pirates without plunder do get mighty restless."

"Indeed, Ms. Quinn," Reiko affirmed.  She wandered over to the ladder and peered above, making sure there were no listeners.

"Frankly, Plugg and Scourge look like half a mutiny to me already, with their little brute squad," Chopper said.

"If they start making noise, we may be able to unseat them," Feruzi said.  "But that won't get rid of Harrigan."

"Unless we let them get rid of Harrigan for us.  They'd lose men in such an attempt.  And that gives us an advantage," Chopper replied.

"That is a point.  With Harrigan out of the picture, they'd no doubt fall to fighting each other--and they rule by fear, not affection."

Reiko turned back to the conversation.  "It would help to have a couple more of the current officers on our side if it comes down to it.  That would be my suggestion."

"Like the Surgeon or the Sorcerer?" Feruzi asked doubtfully.

"The surgeon has seen my skill, now," Chopper said.  "I hope to make nice with him soon enough.  Don't know about the sorcerer. Do you know anything about her, Sandara?"

"Longfarthing goes WAY back with the Captain.  She's supposed to be more loyal to him than everyone."

"Could we try turning one of the other officers against her?" Feruzi asked.  "She would be an extremely dangerous opponent."

"You've got a very political mind for a savage," said Chopper, grinning.

"I learned dealing with my sister."

"Right, right.  Didn't you tell me she was some kind of princess?  Or whore?  But I repeat myself."  Reiko excused herself and went back up on deck, not interested in family reminiscence.

Sandara began counting on her fingers.  "Besides the Captain, Plugg, an' Scourge, there's, what, Riaris Krine, the Stitchman, Grok, Fishguts, Kipper, Longfarthing, Patchsalt, Caulky, an' Owlbear.  All's I know about Krine is that she swears even worse'n Grok an' Rosie put together.  An' Patchsalt's crazy.  I'd steer clear o' that one, too.  We might be better off workin' on the rank an' file, as it were."

"True," Ezikial opined, the first time he'd spoken for several hands.

"So, there is a 'we'?" Chopper asked.  Ezikial eyed him.

"Well, sure!" Sandara enthused, then gave Ezikial a concerned look.  "Uh . . . isn't there?"

"If we have a similar goal, there is no reason not to work together," Feruzi said.

"Aye," Ezikial said, finally.

"Not for nothing, but I met most of you three days ago, and I've seen a fair bit of brutality and treachery aboard this ship.  Could be a setup."  He rolled his shoulders.  "That said, you've had ample opportunity to do me harm or simply withhold help.  My gut says we can trust each other."

"Reiko's goals may not align with ours," Feruzi said, noting that the Tian had left.  "We should give her the opportunity to go her own way if she wishes."

"Dangerous," Chopper said. "But I don't really understand Reiko's motivations.  At all."

"Then perhaps you should ask her," Feruzi replied.

"She is iffy," Ezikial said.  "But she doesn't fit with the others."

"She seems to be making her own place on this ship," Feruzi said.

"She didn't hesitate to assist with Fipps and company," Ezikial said.

"Did she not?  Perhaps I remember differently."

"Come on, Ruse, she didn't hesitate to speak up," Chopper insisted.

"She backed off and did not offer herself to their blows in our defense.  Only when the fight was well in progress did she threaten to report them.  Words are one thing.  Wounds are another."

"Words ended the fight."

Feruzi held up a conciliatory hand.  "I do not disparage their worth.  Only the willingness of their intent."  She squeezed Chopper's shoulder, somewhat carefully, mindful of his half-healed injuries.  "I will be guided by you in this, Mngani."

"Then we wait," Chopper told her.  "Time, for now, is on our side."

On deck, Reiko approached a group of pirates who were now playing hog lob, Jape among them.  "Your pardon," she said, "I was just curious about the game.  Sorry about the hand, Mr. Jape.  Arm wrestling is always a game of chance."

"Cram yer curiosity, an' get out of here before we make you."

"Come now, must we be enemies?  Being as little as I am, people often assume that I cannot hold my own.  Same as you, I don't want people trying to take advantage of what they see.  Surely, Mr. Jape, you can understand that appearances are not what makes a person who they are.  Will you really make me leave?"

"Yeah," Fipps growled, stepping up.  He reeked of, well, everything.

Reiko smiled then sighed.  "Surely, everyone here has faced discrimination simply for the way they look.  We pirates are hardly welcome in civilized company."

"Sure," Fipps sneered.  "We don't disc-rim-inate against you for the way you look.  We just don't like you.  So, in the name of civilized company, pretty please, fuck off, please and thank you."

"Well, that's a shame, since I'm a pretty likeable person.  But . . . I'll leave it for tonight."

The next morning, Plugg shot Feruzi a baleful look and assigned her to the bilges.  "Ugh.  Well, no help for it," she muttered.  Ezikial shot her a sympathetic look as he set off on his own task.  Reiko spent the day hunting leatherback sea turtles with harpoons, treble hooks, and nets.  Fishguts was actually sober enough to help, giving surprisingly good advice on the use of the nets.  When the working day ended, Feruzi emerged from the hold sodden and filthy.  Without any apparent modesty, she stripped naked to scrub herself and her clothes, re-donning only a few bits of cloth to let the rest dry.  A few of the pirates shot her odd looks, but most seemed unconcerned.  Nearly half the crew was female, anyway.

Shortly after the evening meal, Mr. Plugg approached, hauling a length of chain behind him.  A hulking brute of a man followed at the end of the chain--Owlbear Hartshorn, Captain Harrigan's "pet".  He was usually kept chained to the foremast in the middle hold.  He chewed mindlessly at a fistful of tiny live crabs, cracking their shells with his teeth.  His arms and back still held a coating of sticky black gunk and white fluff, the remnants of an earlier prank where the crew tarred and feathered him.

"Time for a bit of sport!" Plugg announced cheerfully.

"Poor creature," Feruzi remarked.  "Is there no turpentine on this ship?"  Reiko made a face, a cross between sympathy and disgust.  Plugg looked in their direction.

"Which of you thinks you can take him on?  Bare knuckles or wrestling only, no magic tricks.  Last one conscious wins."  He held up a purse.  "A hundred gold says it's Owlbear."

The rest of the crew muttered and shook their heads.  Reiko and Chopper exchanged a glance while Ezikial fingered his gun and scowled.  Feruzi frowned.  "I shall."

Reiko's eyebrow shot up.  "Good luck, Ms. Feruzi."  The Mwangi huntress stepped forward and bowed to Owlbear.

"When you are ready, sir."  She assumed a defensive stance and circled around, waiting to see what he would do.  His fist pounded into her arm with shocking strength, knocking her bodily backwards and nearly dazing her.  Feruzi staggered sideways, trying to avoid another blow, but Owlbear was curiously slow to orient.  It seemed he was blind in one eye.

"That had to hurt," Reiko remarked as she passed.  Feruzi ducked around to Owlbear's blind side again and struck back with two quick kicks to the ribs.  Owlbear gasped and attempted to follow, but she danced back out of reach.  Mr. Plugg frowned from the sidelines.  Two more quick strikes, this time to Owlbear's knee, nearly sent him to the deck.  Plugg tossed him a club, but the slow giant was still unable to keep up with Feruzi's quick movements.

"Cheating," the Mwangi woman hissed under her breath, slamming her foot into Owlbear's temple.  She dodged away, but the hulk's response was not angry vengeance.  Instead, he suddenly began crying and tried to get away.

"This is just sad . . ." Chopper remarked as Plugg and Scourge together shoved Owlbear back into the fight.  Feruzi planted a final kick just behind his ear, sending him sprawling to the deck, where he whimpered and drooled and attempted to crawl feebly away.

Sighing in relief, Feruzi relaxed her combat stance and bowed deeply.  "Salute.  You fought well, sir."  Owlbear ceased his crawling and gave her an odd look.

"You.  Respect?" he ground out slowly.  The rest of the crew stood by in utter silence.

"Of course.  I am a Hunter of the vast Mwangi.  I respect the laws of the hunt and of the fight."

"You.  Kind." Owlbear grunted.  With much effort, he climbed to his feet, leaving the club on the deck.

"Are we finished?" Feruzi aked.  Owlbear staggered toward her, his arms outstretched.  On the sidelines Chopper crouched, ready.  Feruzi studied the giant's expression, then smiled slightly and stepped back, grasping one of his hands with both of hers and bowing again.  A huge grin split his face, and he brayed with laughter until Plugg's cronies grabbed the chain and hauled him away by main force.

Reiko bowed to Feruzi.  "You are a woman of honor and stature.  Well done."

Feruzi bowed in return.  "You do me too much honor."

"Not at all.  Honor is very important where I am from."

The look on Plugg's face when he handed over his purse was utterly disgusted.