Maybe I Was Bitten by a Radioactive DM

So, I had a fun night.

I had parsnips with cheese for dinner because it kinda approximates macaroni and cheese.  I just quit taking some supplements I've been using to help sort out a persistent Candida infection and my stomach was a little tender because it cleared up the Candida and everything else along with it.

So, I'm messing around waiting to get tired enough to fall asleep. 3 am rolls around and I climb in bed and turn the light out and figure that I'm going to fall asleep any moment.  What actually happens is that I start to feel really cold.  My entire body starts tingling.  My heart starts pounding.  I start shivering uncontrollably.  I'm thinking, what the heck?  It feels like what happens when my blood sugar drops, so I decide to get up and get another blanket because that should help me warm up and get to sleep.

So I stand up.  My stomach immediately twinges.

We're not talking about a pain twinge here.  My stomach is saying loud and clear "I'm going to get rid of my contents in about ten seconds".  I try to swallow it down.  I drink some tea.  I hate throwing up.  It doesn't help.  So I sidle into the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat, and surrender to the inevitable.  And dry-heave.  Nothing comes up.  I'm just starting to think, oh, okay, false alarm, when I throw up.  And throw up.  And throw up.  It's gross.  Finally I wash my mouth out and flush the toilet and I feel better.  I figure the worst is over.  I climb into bed and pile the blankets high.

And I start shivering again.  I'm not cold, in fact, I'm in danger of baking.  I'm not sweating, though, instead I keep shivering.  Every muscle in my body is getting in on the act.  My skin feels like someone scrubbed it with sandpaper and then poured vinegar on it.  I simultaneously can't stand to touch anything and want to put pressure on my body.  I'm compulsively rubbing my right foot with my left foot because it feels good.  I try switching feet to give my left leg a break but no, that feels terrible, so I go back to the other way.

I could just fall asleep and wait this out, but no, my mind is racing.  I'm wired.  I could just watch TV or something but the thought of the noise and light is revolting.  So, okay, brain, what are we going to do, then?

Here we go . . .

The Miracle spell is a bunch of B.S.!  No, seriously, all that nonsense about duplicating other spells and effects, so boring.  You know what a non-boring Miracle would be?  Simple.  You can go back through 1 round per level and undo the effects of any one dice roll.  Anything.  Party member swallowed by a dragon?  Undo it.  Failed a save against disintegration?  Undo it.  Missed your attack and the big bad teleported away?  Undo it.  It doesn't send people back in time to reinact the events, instead it pulls them from that moment into the present moment with the effects of whatever-it-was removed.  So, if someone died from damage or a spell or something, they just appear without that damage.  And then the caster immediately and irrevocably loses a level.  No, not a negative level. Not something that can be removed.  They revert to the previous level with zero experience points toward their next level.

Much more interesting and, you know, an actual miracle.

It's now 7am.  The shivering is starting to pass off.  I still have vinegar skin, but it's not so bad.  I'm not feeling so cold, in fact, I'm actually starting to sweat a little bit, so I tug off one of the blankets and that feels better.  I have to get up to pee.  I'm a zombie, staggering through the house to the bathroom.  I just want to pass out and be unconscious for a while.

But wait, no . . .

You know what'd be a really cool character concept?  It's a dwarven cleric with an adamantine hammer.  And they really, really hate illusionary walls, so when they think there's an illusionary wall around they start hitting walls with their hammer and screaming, only since it's adamantine, it ignores hardness, so what they actually end up doing is destroying REAL walls.

See, when they were a kid, they lived in this underground dwarven city where they used to put up illusionary walls to confuse invaders, and he was kind of a geeky kid so the other kids always picked on him and would take him out in the tunnels and get him lost on purpose.  So, one day they bring him in to the main temple and everyone's being nice to him and they're having some kind of big ceremony for him only he's like, "I don't believe it!" so he grabs this adamantine hammer off the altar and smashes it and just boom he rolls a 20 and confirms the crit and it's like some sort of magical keystone keeping the entire temple together so the roof falls in and just kills everyone and the kid is like traumatized he goes crazy.

But, the hammer is actually a sentient artifact Hammer of the Giants or some such and it makes a deal with the god of the dwarves that it'll take this kid out adventuring and turn him into a high-level cleric who can come back and raise everyone, so the god puts the temple into a stasis field and they set off adventuring but this is a really geeky dwarf kid so he's terrible at it and the hammer has to keep saving his bacon plus he's got the persistent underlying trauma of having killed his entire dwarf clan going on so occasionally he just goes nuts and starts yelling "I don't believe it!" and whacking things with the hammer.

You could even do it as a secret backstory as the DM where you tell your dwarf cleric "okay, I have a cool plan for your character and you'll get to start with this badass adamantine hammer but when I give you a note you just have to do what the note says" and it's like he suppressed the memory of blowing up the temple so when he gets to the level where he can raise people from the dead his god appears to him in a dream and sets a gaes on him and they go on this whole adventure to go back to the dwarven temple which is this ruin now.

You could even make it more interesting like it's not even a good dwarven temple they're actually duergar so he has to raise all these powerful evil clerics and stuff.

ZZZZzzzzz . . .