Assassin Country

(A little short story/thought experiment/whatever.)

I wonder, sometimes, if we're now in the business of manufacturing martyrs.

It started as a political theory.  Well, no, it really started because people were fed up.  Fed up with being bled, with nothing to show for it.  So there was a revolution, which is hardly anything new.  With most revolutions, all that changes is whose boot is on whose neck.  It's even worse if the theorists get a hold of it, because we're all just numbers to them.  They have no compunctions and no hesitation when it comes to making those numbers add up.  Somehow, we pulled the lucky number.  Or maybe this is God's little joke and we just haven't seen it yet.

I don't know most of the details, and those I do know I shouldn't write down.  Or speak about.  It might just be superstition, but most of what keeps us alive is what people don't know.  It buys us a little more time, another few minutes when the Republic of Naught isn't being invaded or bombed or glared at by the U.N.

Even our name is a joke.

It's a horrible thing, to survive buying your life a few minutes at a time.  If we're still lucky, things will get better, and we won't be the Most Important Thing to anyone any more.  That's what we really want; for people to forget we exist.

Anyway, the Boss has a new job for me, so it's my turn again to go out and maybe die for my country.  He seems to understand my mixed feelings about this; he's a regular guy underneath all the Orwell and Heinlein and Rand novels.  He doesn't expect a True Believer, doesn't want one, even.  He called me because I volunteered and I haven't quit yet.

And I'm a pretty good shot.

How does a small country survive when everyone around is bigger and better-armed?  It should be impossible.  They should roll over us and not even notice, like giants stirring in their sleep.  So, instead, we knock off the ones who make the threatening noises.  Kill the man before he gives orders to kill us.  That's our theory.

Is it working?  Who can say?  In practice we don't dare get too ambitious, and picking the right targets means you have to be practically omniscient.  Sooner or later, it just has to fail.  It's a strange country.

We're all assassins now.

Orange Spice Low-Carb Ice Cream

So, I got an ice cream maker.  I made chocolate for my first batch (you're shocked, I know) and it was okay but Adam was right when he said it was a tad chalky.  Plus, I thought it was too sweet.  Ice cream takes a little practice to get right because the cold sensation and the fat content changes how you perceive the sweetness, so I added more sweetener than I normally would have and it was too much.  I think if I decide to make chocolate again I'm going to heat the coconut milk so it'll absorb the cocoa powder better, then add the cream and chill it overnight.

Anyway, for my second batch today I made an orange spice flavor, and it is awesome.  My only regret was that I couldn't fit my head in the freezer tub to lick it completely clean.  Probably best anyway, not sure I'd want to explain to Adam later what all the white stuff in my hair was.

Here's the recipe I used (somewhat approximate)

1 tsp salt
1 tablespoon orange extract
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp ground ginger
3/4 cup xylitol or other non-caloric sweetener (adjust to taste--non-caloric sweeteners vary enormously)
Zest of one orange
juice of one orange
1 cup unsweetened coconut milk drink
2 cups heavy whipping cream

Basically just mix it all up in a bowl and pour it in your prepared ice-cream maker. I chilled the mixture overnight but I don't think this is mandatory, also the fat may separate out when you do this.  When it's done churning I decant it out, put it in tupperware (after resisting the urge to lick the apparatus), and freeze it for at least a couple of hours to let it stiffen up a bit. I  Some ice cream recipes use egg yolks but I haven't found this to be necessary, it makes the ice cream stiffer (and yellower) if you like it that way.

Saw this Coming

So, S. Korea has banned the sale of virtual items for real money.

There's really nothing more to say about this.  It's a stupid violation of people's rights, supposedly to "help combat crime" or because "games should be entertainment".  What a crock.  You don't combat crime by turning perhaps millions of previously honest citizens into criminals.

The funny part, to me, is that they don't seem to realize that they have basically BANNED INFORMATION by doing this.  You could argue that they've also now banned e-books and Netflix.  After all, a digital movie is a "virtual item".  What else does this stupid policy cover?  Cell phone minutes?  Online airplane tickets?

Oh, the wording probably restricts it to items that are used "in games", but that doesn't make it any less stupid. If the game producers have any sense, they'll shut down their offices in Korea, not release games there, not localize games for Korea, and basically treat the country as though it's ceased to exist, because you don't have any clue what kind of innocent-seeming transaction could land you with a $50,000 fine and 5 years in jail.

You'd think game companies were peddling child pornography, not imaginary swords and ammo.

The Devil and the Three Granaries

(Note:  In a lot of post-Christian folklore, the Trickster figure is referred to as "the Devil".  I've kept that for this story.)

One day, the Devil was passing through the farms at harvest-time, when he happened upon a farmer who was so well-to-do that he had three full barns full of grain, all waiting to be offloaded to merchants and sold in the market.  As you can imagine, the sight of so much prosperity made the Devil furious, and he immediately resolved to play a trick on the rich farmer.

The next day, when a merchant came with his wagon to buy grain, the farmer discovered that the first silo was full of nothing but the most disgusting manure imaginable.  The merchant was much dismayed, and had to be given a drink and sent away with a silver coin to settle his nerves, but the farmer spent the rest of the day going around to all of his neighbors and selling them quantities of the fine fertilizer now in his possession.  By the end of the day, he had a tidy profit that more than made up for the expense of having the barn thoroughly cleaned.

The Devil observed this and thought to himself, "ah, my lad, you made a mistake, farmers are earthy folks and not to be deterred by a little pig shit.  Now come up with a better plan!"

The next day, the merchant again returned with his wagon, hoping to buy a load of grain for sale in the city.  However, when the second granary was opened, it was discovered to contain nothing but thousands of spiders, snakes, scorpions, and other noxious beasts.  They burst out in a great wave of biting and scratching and stinging, and it was only luck that the farmer and the merchant managed to make it to the farmhouse before they were overcome and devoured alive.  The merchant was obliged to spend the night in the farmhouse, and it was only with a great deal of whiskey and soothing and offers of coin that he was convinced to give over his hysterics.

In the morning, it was discovered that the noxious creatures had all perished, but not before they had eaten up every mosquito, slug, tick, and rabbit for miles around, all the pests and annoyances that plague the farmer's life.  So, once again, the farmer pronounced this a good result, and, in fact, he estimated that it might be several years before the local population of pests recovered.

The Devil was terribly frustrated.  "Now, lad, you'd better think hard this time and come up with something really useless!"

On the next day, the merchant very timidly approached the farm.  This time, instead of accompanying the farmer, he insisted on staying at the house while the farmer went out alone and ascertained that everything was well.  When the barn was opened, at first, nothing appeared to be amiss, but then the farmer realized that instead of grain his granary was full to the brim with seeds of every type and description, most of which he couldn't identify.  The farmer stood there, scratching his head, and finally, the Devil, unable to stand the suspense, appeared in front of him.

"Hah, I've really got you this time!" said the Devil.

"I take it I have you to thank for this series of transformations, then?" the farmer said.

"Indeed!  I made a mistake the first two times, but there's no way you're getting any use out of this!"

"Well, what is it?"

"You mean you don't know?  I turned all your valuable grain into seeds that only grow into the most horrible weeds imaginable!  Thistles and dandelions and poison ivy!  Now, aren't you upset?"

The farmer thought for a moment, and then said, loudly, "But this is terrible!  I am undone!  Whatever will I do now!"  He tore at his hair and beat his breast and cried aloud in a paroxysm of grief.  The Devil burst into delighted laughter, did an obscene little dance, and then vanished.

Composing himself and straightening his clothing, the farmer returned to the house, where he found the merchant peeping carefully out of a window.  "I'm afraid I don't have any grain to sell you," the farmer said gravely.

"Three whole days without a purchase!" the merchant replied.  "This is terrible for my profits."

"Yes, I know, but you won't go back empty-handed today.  Instead of grain, I have all sorts of seeds with a variety of medicinal uses for you."

"But that's even better!" cried the merchant.

"I know!" said the farmer, grinning.  "It's a good thing for us that devil wasn't too bright!"

How the Baboons Hunted the Leopard

(Note: I've been reading several compilations of folktales and fairy stories, so I thought it would be fun to try writing a few myself.  It seems like a good way to practice writing stories that are a.) short, and b.) are focused more on plot than style.)

Now, it happened once that on the edge of the savannah there was a very beautiful leopard.  Her fur was brighter than gold, her spots blacker than obsidian, and her teeth and claws like polished ivory.  Her eyes, like citrines, glowed with cunning and ferocity.  She hunted as and when she would and when she dragged away the young, tender zebra or water buffalo, the elders of the herd would sigh and say, "well, that is life on the savannah" and go about their grazing.  The tribes of jackals and hyenas would gaze longingly on the tall trees where she stuffed her many kills, but they never attempted to trouble the leopard or interfere with her business.

Now, it also happened that a tribe of baboons arrived and decided to settle on this part of the savannah.  They were a large and prosperous tribe because their ancient grandfather was wise and cunning and always led them to the best water, forage, and hunting.  They never suffered from the depredations of lions, jackals, or hyenas, for the wise grandfather was always alert and could present such a fearsome aspect, hooting and jumping and hurling stones and sticks, that even the fearsome she-lions would slink away.

The wise grandfather baboon was resting one day on his favorite rock, when up ran his great-great niece shrieking and hurling herself about in a frenzy.  "A leopard took my child!" she cried over and over in great distress.  The wise grandfather was enraged, for he had seen no leopard slinking across the savannah, and yet here it had stolen away with one of his relations.  He wasted no time, but ordered one of his women to groom the distressed mother.  Then he gathered the rest of the tribe and said, "we must hunt this leopard, so it will not steal any more of our children".  The tribe was silent, because even though the grandfather was old and wise, it did not seem possible that they could ever succeed in hunting a leopard. 

Straightaway, the grandfather set the tribe to digging a pit.  They dug and they dug, until the pit was as large as they could make it, and then they covered it over with tree branches and grasses until you could not tell that it was any different from any other part of the savannah.  Then the grandfather set his tribe to relaxing and playing, to wait for the leopard to return in search of a meal.

Sure enough, the next day, here came the leopard, stalking up so slow and so quiet that no one could see her until she was ready to pounce.  She lowered her head, and her tail lashed, and she sprang forward, only to fall right through the ground into a pit.  The baboons were delighted, and rushed to the side of the pit, only to see the leopard spring straight up and land back on the ground.  She was so disgusted that she grabbed two of the youngest baboons and instantly made off with them.

Now the whole tribe took to wailing and shrieking and cursing the leopard, who was too mighty to be caught in the largest pit they could dig.  One or two of them even made so bold as to curse the wise grandfather whose plan had failed.  So he pretended to fly into a rage, hooting and hurling stones and sticks and cuffing his relations until they obeyed him once again and fell silent.  He then sent the tribe to procure a great heavy log, which they propped up with a stick to create a deadfall.  Once again, the grandfather set the tribe to playing and relaxing, and here came the leopard to get another tasty morsel.  When she ran in, striking with her ivory claws and biting with her ivory teeth, the baboon tribe leaped up all in a panic, and one of them ran right into the propped-up log.  Crash! the log came hurtling down on top of the baboon tribe, squashing six of them in one moment.  The leopard took the advantage, seized three of their children, and made off with them.

The entire tribe of baboons now gave themselves over to hysteria, and no amount of cuffing or hooting from the grandfather could calm them.  At last, so outraged were they, that they attacked him with sticks and stones and drove him entirely from the camp.  Bruised and exhausted, he wandered all day and all night until he could go on no longer.  When he was just about to lay down and die, he realized that he was on the edge of a small pool, and thought that a drink of water might restore him.  But when he approached the pool, he realized that the leopard was lying overhead on a great branch, waiting for any incautious animal to approach.

"Well," the grandfather baboon said to the leopard, "it seems you are too clever for me.  If I don't get a drink I will die, but if I do, you will fall upon me and kill me."

"That is the way of the savannah," agreed the leopard.  "It was silly of you, the prey, to try to hunt me, the predator."

"Baboons are hunters, too," said the grandfather.

"Only of small, weak animals they can seize with their hands and beat to death.  You are not fit to hunt anything larger and more dangerous than yourself.  Just look at me.  Look at my sleek fur and muscles and ivory claws.  No creature with a crooked tail and pink bottom could ever defeat me."

"But you have a pink bottom, too," said the grandfather baboon.

"What?!" cried the leopard.  "I certainly do not!"

"Yes you do!  You must have gone bald behind while you weren't looking!"

The leopard craned her neck, trying to get a look at her own bottom, but it was useless.  She thrashed and writhed and made such a fuss that the branch she was lying on broke and she fell onto the rocks below, where she lay still, knocked senseless.  The grandfather seized on a rock and beat her head once, twice, three times.  Then he ran off and called for his tribe, and they tore the leopard into a thousand pieces.  

Another WoW-killer?

So, Bethesda has announced  that their next Elder Scrolls game is going to be an MMO.  I wonder how long it's going to be until somebody starts touting it as the "potential WoW-killer".

It'll probably be interesting, but I expect it'll be as much of a WoW-killer as Star Wars: The Old Republic turned out to be, i.e. not very much.  Here's why:

Bethesda is not a gameplay master.

Bioware has the same problem, and when they made an MMO, they tried to take the thing they're good at (writing) and put that in the MMO "genre" somehow.  And, yeah, SW:TOR has vastly superior writing for an MMO.  However, it has mediocre, derivative gameplay.  And the exploration isn't all that, either.

Where does Bethesda really shine?  Exploration.  So I kind of expect that ESOnline (Grr, I can't call it ES:O because that'd be confusing with Oblivion) will have utterly awesome exploration aspects.  The writing and gameplay will probably be mediocre and derivative, though.  Heck, the Molag Bal thing hinted about in the Escapist article was basically the main plot of ES: Oblivion.  They borrow even off their OWN stories. Bethesda is the exploration master.  Oh, even SW:TOR has pretty scenery (at least, for Imperials it does once you get off the horrible Planet of Mustard Yellow, i.e. Hutta), and they have speeders to get around and codex entries to find and datacrons to seek out, but once you've been round the block these become a chore that must be accomplished to fill out your character.  I expect that ESOnline will have umpteen bazillion more opportunities of this kind, better designed, better thought-out, and rewarding in a way that will keep people engaged in exploration even after they've capped their first toon.

MMO's, though, when you get right down to it, are about GAMEPLAY.  That's what ultimately keeps people playing for years on end.  Not the story.  Not the running around poking into things.  The fact that the core game mechanic, whatever it is (generally, murdering tons of dudes), is FUN.

That is where Blizzard shines, and always has, since Warcraft: Orcs and Humans.  If anything is going to be a WoW-killer, it'll be whatever new MMO Blizzard is working on, because, whatever else, you can bet that they won't have mediocre, derivative gameplay.  Heck, Diablo III will probably be a better WoW-killer than anything Bethesda is likely to work up.

I grant you, gameplay ALONE a WoW-killer doth not make.  I think Dungeons and Dragons Online has really fun gameplay (and has been making Turbine money for over six years as a result), it just doesn't have quite the breadth of appeal to aspire to WoW-killer status.  I think it's pretty safe to say that nearly their entire user base consists of two groups: kids who try it because it's free, and adults who liked 3rd or earlier edition D&D.  This is not a large group of people.  WoW appeals to many, many more people than "people who liked Warcraft".  However, the appeal of Star Wars is enormous, but that didn't make SW:TOR a WoW-killer.

In the end, gameplay is king of MMO's.  Get that right, and you at least have the potential to aspire to WoW-killer-hood.  Get it wrong, and you will never make it there no matter how much you have going for you in other areas.

Sigh

So, here's today's XKCD.

Now, I don't really have (that much) of a problem if people just outright disagree with Ayn Rand.  But misinterpretation on this scale gets pretty annoying.  Or, worse, if it's not actually misinterpretation, and people somehow believe that letting people bear the consequences for their actions equates with "be a huge asshole".

Since the general consequences of being a "huge asshole" to people are that you wind up bitter and alone, I'd have to say that the philosophical recommendation of Objectivism (inasmuch as there is one) would be "don't be a huge asshole".  Why do people think that it's in your self-interest to be a hateful jerk?  It's so much easier to get people to do what you need when they have a reason to give a damn about what happens to you.  Heck, if you're enough of a jerk, people may not even be willing to help you out when it's otherwise in their own personal, immediate interests, because they'd rather suffer a little than tolerate you.

This doesn't mean you should go around handing out bits of your life and soul door-to-door, desperately trying to buy the affections of people who mean nothing to you.  It CERTAINLY doesn't mean that you should do this to try and buy the affections of people who are actively out to harm you.

If that's being an asshole, so  be it.

What I'm On

So, I've been taking a lot of pills lately.


With breakfast I take:
1 Multivitamin
3 Vitamin D
1 Probiotic

And at bedtime I take
2 Melatonin

I've only just started taking the probiotic and the melatonin.  I think my gastric flora (or fauna?  Are bacteria plants or animals?  Wait, they're neither.  Hmmmmmmmmm.) have been a bit messed up and starting to recover, and I think taking the probiotic will help speed this process.  In any case, I plan to only take it a until I run out of what I bought.  It doesn't make sense to me that probiotics would be something you should take forever.  To refresh your gut, yeah.  But if your internal environment is in such condition that you can't support the bugs after reintroducing them, I suspect you need to change something ELSE instead.

The melatonin is an experiment to see if it can help me sleep better.  I sleep a LOT (like 12 hours a day, consistently), and I've always had problems falling asleep and then later, waking up.   I'm not insomniac, exactly (once I am asleep, I STAY THAT WAY), it's just that my body seems to have a hard time switching between "I'm tired" and "I'm awake now", and vice versa.

Some of this I suspect is related to body temperature regulation.  If I take a hot shower either first thing in the morning or last thing at night, it kicks me over into either "I'm awake" or "Sleepy now".  Eating first thing in the morning actually seems to make me MORE sleepy, although I do feel better later in the day if I have some kind of breakfast.  Plus I need breakfast so I can take my pills.  Long experience has shown me that if I take pills without food, I feel ill.

I'll try to report later on whether the melatonin seems to be having any kind of effect.  Thus far it seems to have helped me reset my sleep cycle so I'm going to bed at a reasonable-ish time (1 am) and waking up at a reasonable-ish time, (9 am) but it's too early to tell.

50 lbs!

So, I've lost 50 lbs. Not bad, although considering I started this, what, sometime last June, it's not exactly stellar weight loss, like 5 lbs a month. I've fallen off the diet a couple of times (for a day or two), so it might have been better. But my clothes are all quite loose now, and I'm about a quarter of the way to my goal weight. That's a substantial percentage.

Now to keep on keepin' on.

Awesome

I just ran across this announcement from Wikipedia. Bravo, guys. The fact that SOPA is horrible, horrible legislation cannot be stated often enough.

Say Something

I ran across a couple of things today that just made me want to say something about Iran in particular and Islam in general. Or maybe Islam isn't general enough, maybe it's just stupid, vile, barbaric, monstrous evil. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Anyway, the first thing I ran across was this news item, courtesy of the Escapist. I know it's really nothing to be surprised about. It's par for the course, about what you'd expect of that violence-and-hatred-spewing pit people refer to as Iran. Nevertheless, I was genuinely shocked and sickened when I read about Amir Mizra Hekmati, former U.S. Marine, being sentenced to death for developing video games. Oh, the White House is calling for his release. Isn't that nice. Is it too much to hope that they'll take some real action that cannot be ignored and has a chance of producing some results? Probably.

The second thing was this blog entry from Diana Hsieh. These are pretty much the sentiments I've expressed before. If you self-identify with barbarians, don't be surprised if people treat you like one. It's part of the reason why I've become increasingly reluctant to self-identify as an Objectivist over the years. It's not that I disagree with Objectivism, far from it. In fact, the older I get and the more I learn, the more solidly Objectivist I am. Do I agree with every word Ayn Rand ever wrote? No. I'm not sure its actually possible to BE an Objectivist AND agree with EVERYTHING Ayn Rand ever wrote. I think she might even agree with me on that point. However, my real problem is that I vehemently disagree with many of the whackjobs out there who go around claiming to be Objectivists. Some of these people make me, quite literally, sick to my stomach, and since they are universally loud and obnoxious, people often have a greater awareness of them than of real Objectivists or of the philosophy itself.

The only reason I self-identify as an Objectivist at all is because people ask presumptuous questions they don't really want answers to, usually because they will also fire off complex philosophical statements as if they were self-evident facts, expecting the company to agree with them. I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to just let that sort of thing pass. Just letting it pass is how you eventually end up with Iran. Far better to speak up when the worst thing that will happen to you is that someone you likely despise anyway will get huffy or call you names. If you wait until they have weapons and a following and feel free to use them, it's too late. Maybe not too late in some cosmic sense--even the worst, biggest, most oppressive barbarian regime can be overthrown. But it WILL be too late for all the hundreds, thousands, millions of people who will suffer and die before that gets done. Anyway, identifying as an Objectivist is my way of giving a concise answer when people ask questions like "so what do you believe?" and immediately stop paying attention. They don't care to hear the full answer, the reasons for the answer.

I don't often speak up any more. I more or less avoid forums where speaking might be required, partly because I'm only now starting to realize just how sick I've been over the past couple of years. I don't mean sick of talking. I mean sick, physically ill. Now, due to radical changes in my diet, I'm starting to get better. So, I'm saying something. Maybe more later.

Steve Jobs, RIP

I was shocked when I saw the news about the death of Steve Jobs. My iPod is one of my most beloved possessions. Even though it's a simple thing, it has changed my life for the better.

So, I'd just like to take this moment to say thank you to Mr. Jobs for all his hard work. I hope it made him as happy as it made me, only, you know, about a million times magnified.

13 Lbs.

So, from my earlier total of 379 lbs, today I'm down to 366. No kidding. Not exactly the speediest weight loss ever, but not bad, either. I'm not hungry, but I wouldn't say I have tons of energy--I've been sleeping a lot the past few days. A LOT. 12-14 hours a day. I've tried getting up after 8 or 10 hours, but I'm tired and cranky and I feel stressed for the entire rest of the day.

I think what's causing it is that over the past few days I've been getting most of my calories from protein (specifically, meat) instead of fat. On the days when I eat more fat and less protein, I have better energy. So today I'm not having any meat. For breakfast I had a big mug of tea and cream. I've kind of skipped lunch since I slept until 2, and for dinner I'm having avocado salad with almonds and some provolone slices. It was originally going to be guacamole, but I put the tomatoes in before I mushed the avocado (I wasn't paying attention) so I just mixed it around a bit instead of smashing it into goo. It still tastes good. I also discovered, rather amusingly, that I had 3 containers half-full of sour cream in the fridge. If I only use half the container, it doesn't register on me, so I just buy a new container instead of using what I already have. I prefer making my guacamole with sour cream instead of cream cheese. I like the texture and the more acid flavor better. I'm sure most people don't make it with either, but eh, whatever, bite me. This is how I make it.

My no-soap (well, sort of) project is going really well. I don't use any soap or body wash on my skin at all. The only thing I use is some Tom's Natural Deodorant (it's not an antiperspirant, just a deodorant), which works quite well and doesn't irritate my skin (much), so my pits look more like skin and less like the surface of the moon. It doesn't last as long as an antiperspirant, but it works well enough. (Yeah, I'm sure everybody wants to hear all about my pits. Whatever. Bite me.) The skin on my face (er, and my butt, but I won't go into that) is where I've seen the biggest difference--it feels MUCH softer and I have no need for moisturizer. If I take a hot shower, it'll still feel a bit dry/tight immediately afterward, but it goes away very quickly. I also don't seem to need to exfoliate--except on my feet, but that's more of a result of my refusal to wear shoes unless I absolutely have to. If my skin feels a little dry, I'll use some olive oil in the shower and it goes right away.

My hair was giving me grief for the longest time, though, as I could NOT get it to stop feeling greasy, which was sad because it was lovely and glossy and healthy, you just couldn't touch it because it was nasty-feeling. However, I've started using Kirk's Castille Soap on it every 3-4 days, and the greasy feeling is gone, while still leaving all the nice benefits of no shampoo. I have no need to use conditioner, my scalp doesn't itch, it's all good. The funny part is that I've found if I soap my ears really well my hair takes longer to start feeling greasy again. Apparently my *ears* produce massive amounts of oil, enough that removing it with soap is beneficial.

I probably would continue this even if it didn't improve matters, because why pay money for products that basically don't do anything but make bubbles. However, since I have seen improvements I don't see any reason to go back to using body wash/shampoo.

Tits and Ass

Something that has bugged me for a long time, but in a somewhat inarticulate way, is women (and men) complaining about various artistic portrayals of women being "hyper-sexualized" or "objectified", particularly in video games, comic books, the media, whatever, as if this is an assault on "regular" women. An assault perpetrated by men for the purpose of hurting women.

My problem with this, I've come to realize, is that it's just ignoring way too much context. Are these portrayals of women exaggerated? Yes. But so are the portrayals of men in the same media. I don't know a lot of men who view the impossibly-ripped superhero as an assault on their self-esteem.

I think it has more to do with how men and women view physical attractiveness. Most of the men I know view it as something you build--which is true, if you want to get ripped, you go to the gym, you work out, you eat right, and you develop a nice muscular build. So if they don't have one, they don't view it as some hopeless endeavor, it's just that they're not that interested in it. They do other things with their time, and get their self-esteem from those things.

For women, though, having a perfect body/face/skin/hair seems a lot more of a genetic thing, so no matter how much effort you invest, you can only do so much. Even cosmetic surgery can only go so far. They are defeated before they begin. A *hopeless* ideal does not inspire self-esteem. It inspires self-loathing.

It's just another example of the destructive effects of irrational perfectionism.

Lead me into Temptation

So, today I thought about having some chocolate. Then I decided not to. I wasn't really craving chocolate, it was just that before when I've been feeling a bit ill like I did today, chocolate helped. The caffeine, sugar, fat, and seretonin effects really do make me feel better.

The trouble was, it didn't seem worth it. I have to eat a LOT of chocolate for it to have a noticeable effect (practically OD on the stuff), and I didn't want to go off my diet because I've been having several really good effects from the low-carb, high-fat method I've adopted. I'm losing weight (370.6 today at my Official Weighing) and about 75% of my joint pain/stiffness has just vanished. Gone. Kaput. I can sit (or stand, or lie down) in one position and I don't swell like a balloon and wind up so stiff I can barely move.

I don't want that to go away. At all. It's taken me a little over 10 days of consistent 100% attendance to the best diet practices I've been able to discover to attain that. I do NOT want to start over again at day one. Not even for chocolate.

So it's not at all difficult for me to decide to avoid the stuff I know will throw me off. And the longer I go, the less I want to get reset back to day one. At last, a trait I can use to help me instead of hinder me. Once I've sunk a certain amount of effort into something, I don't want to go back and start over no matter how beneficial it might be.

Mad Science!

So, I decided to experiment a little with making a LCHF (low carb high fat) dessert. It did not go so well.

First I made a crumble crust for a pie. Only instead of using graham crackers, I used flaxseed meal and chopped almonds held together with butter. This was the only really successful part of the pie, and it tasted great. I think I needed to chop the almonds a bit more thoroughly, though, as the larger chunks had a tendency to fall out of the crust. But it certainly held together as well as any graham cracker crust I've ever made.

Then I made custard for pie filling. This went okay. I used egg yolks and cream with stevia and lemon extract to make the custard. Next time I'm going to use more cream and fewer egg yolks. I think I may just go ahead and use a little sugar or honey, too, as the Stevia tastes kind of salty to me after it's been baked. It just doesn't have any real sweetness to it. Also the lemon extract was a bust--it could not be tasted in the final product AT ALL. Next time I'm using lemon juice and lemon zest instead. (I was planning on using it this time, unfortunately I forgot to get an actual lemon on my way out of the store.)

Then I tried to make meringue using the egg whites. This was laughably bad. Apparently you HAVE to use SUGAR to make a proper meringue. Also it was hot and humid in the kitchen so the stuff just would NOT set. I gave it my best shot but I think I'm just not going to bother with this next time. The custard is plenty indulgent without any meringue, and I can use the egg whites to make egg drop soup or something.

Also, as a note, if you've never made meringue before, it makes about 10 times the volume (or more) than you had of egg whites. Useful to know so you don't end up overflowing your bowl.

Overall, not the best dessert I've ever made, but it was really low in carbs, for sure. And dinner (oven-roasted chicken drumsticks and creamed spinach) was good.

Also, it was the first time in three years that I used that eggbeater.

Grandstanding?

First, click on this link.

See that red text across the top? Doesn't that sound ominous? Really sounds like Turbine is screwing someone over, eh?

Except that having all classes for free is NOT part of the VIP agreement. In fact, one of the classes in DDO (Favored Soul) is ALREADY buy only (or it can be earned with favor). Artificer uses precisely the same model--you can buy it, or you can earn it with favor. It's my understanding that during the shakedown period while the new update gets implemented, it may *temporarily* be impossible to get it just with favor. Whoop-te-doo. Every update takes a while to get fully set up. Why? 'Cause it's friggin' complicated, is why.

I'm not hugely in favor of grandstanding even when your grievance is legitimate. THIS is just DUMB.

That Is . . . Large

So, my mom got me a scale for my birthday (which is next month, but never mind) so I can have some help in my dieting. It arrived today. It is a nice scale. I really like it. Except it appears to be broken, because when I stand on it it says 391 lbs.

Faith and begorrah. That is way more Jennifer than anyone could possibly want.

No WONDER my ankles hurt.

Addendum: Actually, my joke about the scale being "broken" was quasi-accurate. It got stuck somehow and I had to take the batteries out and turn them around and whack them a few times before it would zero. So the actual number is 379 lbs. Wow, I feel SOOOOO much better.

Not. Bleh.

Mastermind?

I stumbled upon this game:

It's a memory game, fair enough, and I played it for a few minutes. The thing I found really odd about it was that when I just looked at the images, I had about a 50% success rate. Not particularly noteworthy. When I NAMED the images in my mind (even if it was the most basic description of "man with dog"), my success rate INSTANTLY jumped to 100%.

Yeah. Verbal. That's me.

Trashed

So, our bathroom is kind of exploded at the moment. Fortunately we have a spare.