Creation and Distribution

When I was younger (say, around 1990) and I had the tentative first stirrings of the idea that I might want to write novels one day, there was basically only one road to being a novelist.  You wrote your novel and submitted it to publishers and hoped and prayed that one of them might decide to accept it.  I know that's a bit of an oversimplification--even in those days there was self-publishing and networking and other complexities I'm not going to go into but in general terms the process was extremely straightforward.  Self-publishing was pure vanity that some very few wealthy folks could indulge in. Creators were a dime a dozen and the distributor had the power in the relationship.  Every novelist I'd ever heard speak on the subject had some kind of horror story involving titanic battles with their publisher over who owned the rights to what and the constant pressure of deadlines and book tours and editorial requirements and a laundry list of soul-sucking horrors that they had to put up with for the privilege of being allowed to get their work into the hands of the general public.  A laundry list that was nearly always followed by some recommendation not to quit your day job.  This is not exactly inspiring stuff for a timid would-be novelist.  What kind of a future is that to look forward to?  "You will work like a galley slave and if you are extraordinarily fortunate you might earn enough money for this to be your full-time career."  Blech.

Of course, nowadays things are different.  Self-publishing isn't only for vain rich people any more.  Pretty much every industry that had this kind of creator/distributor relationship is radically different: movies, music, video games, books, who knows how many others.  But despite this, the distributors still carry a lot of clout.  There's still a lot of prestige and mystique attached to the distributors and the creators still flock to them so in many cases that poisonous atmosphere still endures.  I'm not sure it will go away until there's another, subtler shift that exorcises the last vestiges of this mystique and turns the distributor into an equal who provides a service to creators instead of an aristocrat who patronizes creators.  A lot of the current mindset still needs to change in order for this to happen, and change on the creative side of things.  For instance:

1.  Creators need to take more heed of the fact that someone offering to buy their work or the rights to their work is not a beneficent friend raining down largess--this is someone offering to enter into a business relationship and regardless of what they're offering or how delightful it seems in relation to your current penniless state, you need to vet them like you would vet a stranger offering to watch your child.  In fact, if they come to you the chances that they are the equivalent of a pedophile are rather higher than you might expect.  They are not doing you a favor no matter how much money they offer you or how apparently generous the terms.  Getting the attention of a big distributor is not the success endgame state.  It could be an express ticket to legal hell.

2.  Creators need to shed the last of the "AAA" mindset.  This pertains particularly to video games where "AAA" is actually a Thing and everyone talks about it.  I went and browsed the Bioware job boards, for instance, and I saw a posting for a Lead Writer (which I am totally not in any way qualified for, just so you know, this is an example only).  One of the requirements for said Lead Writer was that they must have already shipped a "AAA" game.  This is the "AAA" mindset, that there is some kind of significant and meaningful difference between a big-name major distributor-backed title and one that was released by a team that lacks such backing.  Yes, there IS a difference between a title that is worked on for 3 years by 50 people and one that was made by one guy in his basement over the course of three months.  A single person working alone is not to be scorned--creating by yourself requires a staggering amount of drive, discipline, willingness to face criticism, refusal to give in to self-doubt.  There's a huge and impressive skillset in working alone that is not any less than the skillset of working with a group, it's just that if you're going to apply work with a big team yes, you should demonstrate skill in doing just that.  But what does the "AAA" part of this description bring to the table?  It doesn't mean you have teamwork skills or creative skills or drive, discipline, focus etc.  You know what that particular qualifier means?  It means you have experience sucking up to a big distributor.  This is not a creative skill or a business skill.  This is attribute that is of value to exactly one participant--the distributor--and only if they are looking to maintain a specific type of working relationship with the creators in their stable.  "AAA" mindset should be a massive red flag to creators everywhere that a distributor is in the market for peons, not partners.

Just those two changes will go a long way to cleaning up the rotting remains of distributor mystique.  The funny thing, though, is that I don't predict this will be the dawn of some kind of fantastical age for creators where absolutely everyone can get the perfect audience they think they deserve.  Far from it.  I think it will be good for creators AND distributors, but I'm not sure it'll make either of them really happy, because the people who will really profit from it is the ones who drive themselves to acquire both sorts of skill sets.  To be creative AND to understand business.  To work alone AND with a team.  To self-publish AND partner with distributors.  I think the future belongs to those people, and they are few.  Just doing ONE of those things is an undertaking that can consume your entire life.  If you can do both, I stand in awe of you.  I need to remind myself constantly that THIS is what I'm ultimately working toward.  Doing the creative work is HARD, but by itself it's not enough to get me all the way to where I want to go.  I need to pay attention to opportunities to grow in BOTH areas if I ever want to stop being just a hobbiest.

Skull and Shackles: Feruzi's Journal Part 2

9 Rova 4712 AR

I really should have expected something like this but I wasn’t expecting it quite so soon so I was a little horrified when I woke up and found that my mother (at least, I assume it was her) FILLED the hut with fertility idols. Merrill thought they are just what he calls “knickknacks” and he turned the oddest color when I explained. He said the thought Chopper was just joking so I told him, well, Chopper maybe was but my mother is DEAD SERIOUS. She probably started planning out her grandchildren when I was two years old if not sooner and it is only a mercy that she waited this long to start her campaign. Merrill told me “I don’t want to upset your mother but . . .” and I interrupted him and said “It doesn’t matter what you want” so he says “Pardon me, I think it does!” so I was all, “no, you don’t understand, I don’t mean we should actually, well, make a baby RIGHT NOW just to make her happy but for goodness sake don’tSAY anything like that to her. If she wants to give you advice, you just smile and nod and wait until she talks herself out. DON’T antagonize her or who knows WHAT she might do she is NOT in her right mind about this.” I could see he still did not believe me so I told him to at least ask my father before he went and did anything stupid and got himself turned into a frog or worse. Well, she would turn him back eventually but I don’t think Merrill spending the rest of our visit as an amphibian would help matters any.

Merrill asked me did I want to have children and I said, well, of course didn’t he want children? and he got really quiet and stared at the ground for a long time and I started to get upset then he said he’d never really thought about it before. Not seriously, anyway. I didn’t understand and when he tried to explain we just got all tangled up and now both of us are confused and upset and I’m starting to wonder if frog wouldn’t be the better option. Father came in and asked if Merrill was going to come do Man Stuff with the other warriors. I could tell Merrill was about to ask me what he should do so I said “well, here’s your chance to avoid my mother until dinner time” and he got the hint and went along. I wish I could go along but I don’t want to be an amphibian, either. I was tempted to let Merrill stew all day but I changed my mind and shooed Father out and spent some time making sure he knew I wasn’t angry with him.

I do not think Mother has stopped giving me advice for five solid minutes, which is actually somewhat amusing because she keeps asking me questions about Merrill and Chopper and everyone and then interrupting the answer before I’ve really started. Ukele is here and has taken to mimicking Mother behind her back so I have to keep making excuses to go outside so I won’t start laughing and bring down the wrath of frog on both of us. Fortunately Mother seems to think that my scribbling means I am writing down her sage advice for later so now she is pestering Ukele instead. Mother seems to have decided that Ukele is not going to settle down (what a shock) so now she’s talking about sending her (Ukele) to become a Sacred Woman which I think would be a good thing but I know better than to give my opinion so I will just have to see how this turns out.

---

The men came back finally and Mother started right in on them. Merrill put up with this for about three minutes, then he walked over and put his hands on my mother’s shoulders and said “Thank you for trying to help us, Madam, but I love your daughter too much to take anyone’s advice but hers,” and I thought, oh, no, here we go but Mother just got all teary-eyed and patted his cheek and now Merrill can Do No Wrong in her eyes and she even told off Ukele for criticizing him. How does he DO that?! So unfair. Although I suppose I should not complain because so far he only uses his powers for good. Mother even left off pestering me she said I was in good hands and she’s not worried any more. Unbelievable. I asked Merrill though and he said he’d been working on that line all day and he was relieved it went over so well so maybe it isn’t as easy as he makes it look.

Of course, next what does he do but say he wants to talk to me and finish our discussion from earlier and I don’t know what to say so we go out for a walk to get some privacy and he says, “Feruzi, do you love me?” all serious. So I thought about it for a while which I could tell was not helping matters and I finally said “Not exactly” and Merrill says “I see . . . so why did you marry me, then?”. I said “It’s complicated and I don’t know how to explain” and he said “Try.” So we ended up standing there for maybe five minutes while I tried to think and failed so Merrill kissed me and started to head back and I said “I don’t know how I feel about you but I know marrying you was the right thing to do because you make me . . . be myself, somehow. Properly. Better than I was. I don’t know if that’s love or not but I didn’t want to say it and have it not be true,” and I started to cry which was stupid but Merrill didn’t seem upset he just came back and kissed me again and said he didn’t understand but maybe it didn’t matter and he would eventually. I told him Mother always says that you can’t really know if you love someone until you’ve already married them and really learned who they are but the way you start to know is that you find out things about them that you never thought you wanted but it turns out now you do. Merrill said “That is EXACTLY how I feel about you.” so I told him “I know, I’m just slow,” and he smiled and now I’m not upset any more.

10 Rova 4712 AR

Mother snuck in and woke me early this morning so I could go along to the crater with her and Ukele. It took me a while to figure out how to get up without waking Merrill who is not exactly a heavy sleeper but I managed somehow and we set off.

The crater is not really something anyone in the village talks about very much although all the women go there a few times a year to pay their respects to the Sacred Women and Zuneraali if he’s awake and in a mood for visitors. I have not seen him myself as he’s been tetchy for the past decade or so due to an unfortunate geyser incident that Mother refuses to discuss apart from saying that blue dragons don’t like it much when half of their scales turn bright orange and fall out leaving the most absurd-looking bald patches all over them. I wouldn’t even know about this development but Mother told us not to mention it which we couldn’t have done even if we wanted to before she told us about it but there’s not much use in pointing out this lapse of logic to Mother so if we see the dragon we will just have to remember not to comment on his appearance in any way whatsoever.

Some people would think living this close to an evil dragon would be dangerous, but Raali is a surprisingly good neighbor and doesn’t even bother our livestock as long as he has some women around to keep him entertained. That’s what the Sacred Women do, study sorcery and keep Raali occupied so that he doesn’t eat anything important or blow us or himself up. There’s not really anything sacred about them, I suppose, but some ancestor must have thought it sounded better than “dragon-sitter” and Raali likes the idea that we worship him so it stuck.

The crater isn’t much to look at, just a big sandy pit where a star fell a few centuries ago. You can’t even see it until you almost fall into it but you had better not because it’s quite deep and if you fell in nobody would ever find you because the trees grow right up to the edge and make it so you can’t see or hear anything until it’s too late. The crater has probably claimed more lives (or at least, incautious goats) than the dragon over the years.

We didn’t even get to go meet with the priestesses because Raali was out sunning himself and came thundering over the minute he spotted us which, if you’ve ever met a dragon, you know was before we ever spotted him. We were just walking along the path when all of a sudden WHOOM there’s a big blue dragon looming over us. Ukele screamed. To be fair, I almost did too but nobody heard me squeaking over the dragon and Ukele. I suppose I should be grateful if Ukele makes me look tougher than I actually am. Raali was delighted by this greeting and found Ukele utterly fascinating, what a surprise. I was surprised, myself, because he was smaller than I thought he’d be but I suppose dragons don’t really need to be big in order to be dangerous although they are more impressive when they are of course. I thought that was going to be the end of our trip but Mother had to tell Raali that I was studying sorcery too (although I’m not very good and it shows) so he had to look me over and make me cast a few spells (and I only KNOWa few spells) and then he just spontaneously decided that if Ukele was staying I might as well stay too and learn some proper magic.

Have you ever tried to argue a dragon out of something? No, of course you haven’t. They have you over a barrel and they know it so there’s almost never any use to arguing but I wasn’t going to be taken off by some overgrown patchy self-exploding lizard and I told him so and he put his claw on the top of my head and mashed me into the ground just to show that he could. I remember thinking, Merrill is NOT going to be happy about this when Raali spotted my bow and said “oooooooooh is that an Azlanti bow?” and I thought gods, now he’s going to want that too when he suddenly let me up and ran off. I just had time to ask Mother what the hell was going on and for her to say she had no idea when he comes thundering back with two of the Sacred Women on his back and this burned and broken staff thing in his mouth. Which he then has to tell us all about. For THREE HOURS. Apparently it also was some kind of Azlanti artifact and when he attempted to study it to find out how it was made that ended in the “unfortunate geyser incident” we weren’t supposed to talk about. Lovely. Ukele was fascinated. Or, at least, she pretended to be fascinated and kept urging Raali to explain more and more and more until he finally lost interest in me and Ukele signaled Mother and me to leave and we snuck off. What a relief. Ukele seems to be pretty good at her new job. Merrill was horrified when I told him where we’d been all day and we’re leaving first thing tomorrow morning. I told him it wasn’t anything serious because Raali is probably the laziest dragon in the world but I don’t think he believed me. Still, it’s pleasant to be fussed over as long as he doesn’t take it too far.

11 Rova 4712 AR

All right, so I was wrong. I’m a big girl. I admit it. Fortunately all we got out of it was a scare. Thank goodness for Ukele is all I have to say.

Raali came to the village at the crack of dawn and tore the roof right off the room where Merrill and I were asleep. I thought for sure he was going to eat both of us but all he did was shove his nose into the room and demand to know which one of us was Captain Pegsworthy. Merrill spoke up before I could stop him and admitted that he might answer to that name, so Raali said, “Good, I have a job for you.” So Merrill said, “What sort of job?” like this sort of thing happened every day and Raali says “Ukele is your sister, right?” and Merrill looks at me like what the hell and says “sister-in-law, actually,” so Raali snorts which almost makes the rest of the roof fall in on us and he says “Close enough, anyway I’ve decided to keep her for my mate but she is going to need some . . . things. Keep the change.” And Raali wrinkles his nose and spits out a scroll case and a star sapphire the size of my two fists together. Then he put the roof back down and left.

Merrill and I just sat there staring at the half-collapsed ceiling until he finally said, “I guess she finally found a male big enough to satisfy her,” in this awed voice and I couldn’t help it I laughed until I couldn’t breathe and Merrill did too and Mother came storming in and declared we were hysterical and dumped a bucket of water over both of us which helped a little but not quite enough so we had to take turns telling Mother what happened while we sat there stark naked and dripping wet. All Mother had to say when we finished explaining was “Well it’s about time.” Merrill had a look at Raali’s shopping list and said that it looked doable and he wouldn’t be surprised if that sapphire was worth two or three times what he’d need so I was relieved. He said to me, “You have a much more interesting family than I was expecting,” and I said “It’s not normally quite this bad, but yes.”

So now we’re back on the Bonaventure headed back to Tidewater Rock so I can go embark on my exciting new career as Deputy Assistant Pirate Lord and Merrill can go shop for Raali. I think life on the Crisis is going to look almost ordinary after this little trip. I’m glad to have Ukele all set, though, and it was fun watching Pinch’s eyes bug out over Merrill’s sudden new wealth. Merrill made me promise to send him letters as often as I could manage and he would do the same. I’m going to miss him terribly.

Skull and Shackles: Feruzi's Journal Part 1

5 Rova 4712 AR

Ai must be the most Incompitint Wife in thee History of thee Wurld (scribbling)

---

Dammit. Let me str start over. Merrill came Inn in and kaw caught me Writing, so of course he has to take the book awae away and read it drat the man. He says my Writing is Ato attr ATROCIOUS and no wife of his is going to comi COMMIT words to page until she learns how to Spell. He, Merrill I mean, assin ASSIGNED that odd cretur CREATURE Pinch to Crack the Whip over me. At first I thought he (Merrill) meant litar LITERALLY GODSDAMMIT(and he has a Most Fearsome bullwhip hanging on the wall in his cabin) but it seems no, this is just a Figure of Speech. Merrill caught me looking at it and I think I hurt his feelings, but he says no, it is All Right, as if I beliv believe that. He (Merrill) said it is a soo seaux ceu DAMMIT souvenir (Pinch wrote that for me) from three days he (Merrill) spent Captive in a Chelish gaol when he was sixteen. It is Strange to think of Merrill being Sixteen. I asked him was he frightened and he said Yes, Very Much So and that’s where the old Stripes on his back came from along with some Burns that aren’t really Visible any more. It makes me Unhappy to know how much people have hurt him (Merrill) even before I ever met him. Merrill says he did not tell me in order to make me upset but I think I am not upset I just want to make him happy but I am not doing a very good job.

Now I am forgetting why I wanted to Write this in the First Place, it is taking so Long, but it is getting Easier so I will keep going anyway until I am Tired. Also Pinch is very Nice about helping me and says he does not Mind At All.

Now I remember, I was having trouble getting the Hang of this Married Life and I wanted to Write it to help me Organize my thoughts. Merrill is very Sweet but when he sees I am Worried it makes him upset and the disk discussion goes nowhere. I think we will have to get over this fussing over each other before we drive ourselves Insane. It would be nice to just talk but Merrill is so Tired that every time he sits down for two minutes he Falls Asleep so conversation is Impossible. He spent most of yesterday afternoon alternating between Falling Asleep and Apologizing For It. I want to take him to bed properly but it will probably have to wait until Tomorrow so I make do for now holding him when he sits still and naps, which is not as often as it should be in My Opinion. If he does not quit working soon I will tie him up and force him to Rest whether he Likes it or Not.

Labella wanted to put Ukele in the Brig but Merrill said no, despite everything she is his Guest and will be Treated As Such so they found her a corner next to the Galley so she can have some Privacy. Probably I should try Talking to her some more but that is even worse than trying to talk to Merrill right now.

I suppose I could learn more of how to go on from talking to the crew but they are not like the crew on Crisis so I am not sure how to start. Most of them are Older than I am by about Ten Years if not More and besides Labella almost all Men and stricter about Discipline than Chopper ever could be and I am not Naturally friendly like Chopper is so it is awkward.

---

Merrill brought me some lunch and took his coat off and promptly fell asleep at his desk so Pinch showed himself off. I have now got Merrill into bed and he seems inclined to Stay There so far. I will write more tomorrow I want to sit with my husband for now.

6 Rova 4712 AR

Today is much better than yesterday so far. The whe weather why are there two ways to spell that word I wonder anyway the weather is much worse today as we skirt the Eye making for a River that leads deep into Mwangi lands. Merrill says taking this route should cut nearly five days off the journey which apparently is a good thing because we (the Crisis people I mean) need to get that Island cleaned up as quickly as possible and from the sound of it this will not be so easy as I might have Thought. But it does mean that I will only have a few days to spend with my husband and most of them he will be Busy.

Pinch also is Busy today but he said if I want to make this Writing a regular habit he will give me a book to help me called a Dictionary. I did not know they made books that you read to tell you how to write but Pinch said yes, they are very useful. I did not know there were so many words in the Taldane language and most of them seem odd like this word swivet which means to be nervous and anxious and describes my state perfectly but how many words do you need that all mean the same thing anyway? I used it on Merrill and he got a funny look on his face and asked me what I meant so I showed him the Dictionary and he laughed and said he thought I meant something else which apparently is not very polite but he wouldn’t mind if I used that one later when we were in bed. I asked him didn’t he know all the words in the Dictionary and he said, no, not even most of them so now I am confused and I think I do not understand this Writing business as well as I thought. I do like the Dictionary anyway the words are all marvelously neat and regular and it makes me amazed that scribes have such wonderful handwriting because I could never get the letters to line up so perfectly no matter how long I practiced. Merrill says that no, the book is not written by hand it is printed which I do not know about so he told me to look it up in the Dictionary and laughed even more when I said it made no sense so I scolded him for reading over my shoulder and told him to get back to work. I think he is more comfortable with me here now if he can laugh at me and he really does have a wonderful sense of humor but if you heard him barking orders at his crew you would not know he was the same person at all he sounds so fierce. Labella says that just means he is Enjoying himself.

I was going to try and Write the things that happened today but now I have got all out of order. The first thing that happened was when Merrill woke up very early this morning before it was light and seemed confused about where he was for a few minutes. I could tell he was dreaming something awful but he wouldn’t tell me about it so I took off my clothes and climbed in bed with him which made him forget about whatever it was pretty quickly. I probably shouldn’t write any more about that I don’t want to embarrass him but it was very nice. He has a lot of scars all over his body though and I think it did embarrass him a little when I lit the lamp so I could have a look at them but I told him to stop being silly and he got over it eventually. He was in a very good mood when we did finally get out of bed and he keeps coming in here every five minutes or so to make sure I haven’t disappeared (he says) and dripping water all over me because it is pouring but he doesn’t seem to care so I don’t either. He still looks good with wet hair plastered all down his neck and his cold nose just makes me laugh so I suppose I must be in a good mood too.

I was going to go out and help him but he told me to stay in and read the books if I got bored. I wouldn’t have expected Merrill to have so many books they are mostly histories and terribly dull but they are not dusty or moldy at all so he must spend a lot of time reading them. Labella says yes, that is mostly what he does when he is not otherwise needed usually on some sunny patch of deck getting in everyone’s way just like a big housecat. There are eight cats on this ship right now and they seem to regard Merrill as their property apparently he is very fond of cats and the crew spends a lot of time trying to get rid of the kittens while Merrill keeps finding more of them to adopt. Renvel (that is the Master at Arms, he is very quiet but I got him to talk to me finally) says that it’s a good thing that animals all hate Pinch or they would be overrun with cats by now, but they don’t ever have a rat problem on the Bonaventure so it is not entirely bad. Ukele has got a kitten keeping her company and I took her some books so she will not get too bored.

7 Rova 4712 AR

I have to say that when Merrill said River I did not in any way picture the body of water we are currently floating on. In. Something like that. It is more like an enormous swamp that has all decided to flow more or less in the same direction. Also there are crocodiles. Big, big crocodiles. Some of the crew wanted to go for a swim when we first got out of the salty water but Merrill forbid anyone from even lowering the boats without a squad of archers and gunners watching at all times. He says there are also giant turtles and hippos which are not giant but apparently big enough anyway and who knows what else in the water but it doesn’t really matter what it is once it’s bitten your leg off and most of the wildlife around here can do that without half trying or even really being awake.

It isn’t all bad, though, because I thought up a way to help the archers stay alert and get in some shooting practice at the same time. There are a few less crocodiles in the river this afternoon at least. Merrill says he’ll be able to make boots for everyone in Port Peril at this rate but I had to stop in order to make some more arrows so probably not. Pinch called Merrill a filthy name (or at least I think it was) when Merrill told him to have the crew fish out the corpses and strip off the hides but Merrill just told him to get on it or he’d make Pinch eat the crocodiles as well. I was a bit surprised because Merrill doesn’t take that kind of backtalk from anybody, not even me, but apparently Pinch has an entitlement no one else does. It makes me wonder just how Pinch wound up on this ship in the first place he is so odd. I asked him if I could call him Markuss the way Merrill does and he said it did not matter to him either way so I will from now on.

It was getting dark by the time we reached the landing which I am sad to say is absolutely lousy with slavers along with all the riverboats and a few other small merchant ships. Merrill says we have to leave them alone unless we want to get our throats cut in the night. This is when I got to find out how much of an idiot I am, because there aren't any roads going the right direction from here and Merrill cannot hike fifty miles through trackless jungle on a peg leg. It will be rough enough going for Ukele. Merrill lost his temper a bit when I kept trying to come up with ways to overcome this obstacle and locked himself in his office but he came back out during dinner and apologized so I also apologized and he said he’d do whatever was necessary even if it was mortally undignified. Durgrin managed to cobble together some sort of charm that will at least keep Merrill from sinking thigh-deep in the mud but I know it will be an uncomfortable trip for him tomorrow regardless.

8 Rova 4712 AR

Oh, so much has happened today that I have to sit here a minute and get it all in order or else I will leave something out. I woke up vexed with Merrill this morning because I wanted him to get plenty of sleep but he was having none of it and he figured out that if he nibbles on my neck I lose all ability to argue with him which is not fair although I suppose losing a little sleep is not so bad but I hope he doesn’t pay for it later. Then we had to have a ridiculous long drawn-out argument with what felt like half the crew over who would and would not be coming with us on this sojourn into darkest wilderness untouched by man since the dawn of time (I read that in one of Merrill’s books and I liked it so I’m stealing it although I am not sure that’s really stealing because the person who wrote it still has it). Labella wanted to come so badly I thought she was going to start frothing at the mouth and shooting sparks out of her ears but Merrill kept pointing to what he calls the “den of iniquity” across the river and telling her that somebody has to stay here and make sure his damn ship doesn’t mysteriously wander off in the night and Labella was best suited of anyone to do that so there. Well he didn’t actually say that last part but it was implied. I think Labella is fonder of Merrill than he realizes but I didn’t say anything because it would embarrass both of them to no purpose.

We, or, I should say He because I didn’t say anything but just let them get on with it finally decided that apart from Ukele and myself it would only be Merrill and Durgrin going. I think the dwarf was not too happy at this decision but it was getting late so off we went as soon as Pinch forced Durgrin to finish dithering about what to bring along.

I found I was glad it was just the four of us because Durgrin started chatting with Ukele about sorcery and I joined in and the three of us spent the entire morning talking shop which is a peculiar thing for sorcerers because it’s all about how magic feels to you and this relieved Merrill of the need to make conversation so he was still in good spirits and not too worn down by the time we stopped for lunch. I wanted to make it a good long rest break but Merrill said this would only make the whole trip longer and he’d rather rest when we reach our destination. Durgrin told me not to worry recent events to the contrary Merrill knows his own limits quite well and sticks to them and he wouldn’t be alive now if he wasn’t as tough as he thinks he is, so we pressed on.

I had forgotten just how bad the deep jungle can be though and even with Durgrin pulling out every wand and scroll he has to make things easier on us we’d still be walking if we didn’t have the immense good fortune to run smack into a troupe of Etpe on their way to wherever it is Etpe go. I mean smack, too, because that’s the noise Durgrin made when they burst out of the trees on their huge mounts and he fell over on his rump in a stream and almost drowned because dwarfs are not very hydrodynamic (isn’t that a great word?). He also made a ridiculous squeaking noise that he claims was a grunt although I have heard mice produce deeper sounds. Durgrin says the mounts are “edmontosaurus” which I know nothing about but they are big and surprisingly fast even in the jungle so we bargained with the Etpe to take us along since we were heading more or less the same direction anyway.

At first they wanted to trade the ride for Ukele and I had to bite my tongue not to laugh she got so offended and it would serve her right if we DID sell her to them but Merrill finally convinced them to accept some food and a length of good rope instead. I was a little annoyed because Merrill can speak to them much better than I can, his crazy accent actually makes him easier to understand somehow even though I was born here. Ukele of course would not so much as look at them after their first offer and Durgrin can’t make heads nor tails of their gabble so we wound up doing this thing where I translated for Merrill and then he’d try four or five different ways of saying the same thing until the chief started nodding and smiling and jabbered at us some more. The Etpe chief apparently decided Merrill was a good sort or at least vastly amusing and gave him (Merrill) this horrible drink that they brew out of the blood of their mounts and equally horrible plants and possibly slug slime and beetle squeezings for all I know but Merrill has much better manners than I do and actually swallowed most of it before I could warn him so he got to spend most of the ride slumped over the saurus’s rump blinking very slowly like once a minute because he was too dizzy to sit up or even know who he was. I don’t dare tell him what it was now he might get sick and that would offend the Etpe even though they are generally pretty friendly as long as you don’t have anything they particularly want.

Fortunately it was hot enough that he quickly sweated off the effects and was back to his usual self. Ukele complained unceasingly about the heat and finally took her clothes off and I put off most of mine too. Durgrin turned some interesting colors at the sight of Ukele’s tits but he will have to get used to it because no one wears shirts at home or even thinks twice about it. Durgrin told me that dwarfs are so prudish that they grow all that hair so they won’t even have to see THEMSELVES naked and I am not sure whether he was joking or what but he settled down after a bit. If I was thinking I would have left most of my clothes on the Bonaventure anyway but I’ve gotten used to the custom and I’m not sure Merrill would have sat still for it prior to drugging himself insensible. So that is how we got home a whole day earlier than I expected and Father even invited the Etpe to stick around even though they are more than a little weird so they can take us back along with all our possessions and spare Merrill’s poor leg in the bargain.

I have to use those quotation mark things for this next part and I am not certain I use them correctly but it was too funny not to write exactly what they said so here goes. When we broke out of the deep jungle and came to the village clearing it was nice and quiet so I expect everyone was cooking dinner or resting out the afternoon heat but one of the children spotted us and started shrieking so everyone came running. Merrill said “Goodness, just like a beehive,” and I laughed because there are rather a lot of us and one of the middle-sized children spotted me and started yelling “Auntie Zizi! Auntie Zizi!” so all the babies started yelling and Merrill asks “are these all your nieces and nephews?” And I said “no, Ukele’s my only sister they just call all the grown women Auntie if it isn’t their mother”.

We got down from the saurus and here comes Father carrying his big spear in one hand because the other one got bit off years ago. He (Father) comes up to me and says “It’s about time you got home, I can’t do all the work around here myself!” so Merrill steps forward and says, projecting his voice like he’s giving orders on the deck, “It’s not her fault you’re a CRIPPLE.”

I don’t think I have ever fainted before really but I thought I was going to do it then. I have never seen a look on a man’s face like my father got then except maybe on Ezikial when he hasn’t shot someone for several days and everyone, even the babies, went instantly silent. Merrill had a strange look on his face too I’m not sure what to make of it but I think that man has at least a fair medium-sized devil in him and it comes out at the oddest times.

Then Father started to laugh. He laughed and laughed until he fell over wheezing and rolled in the dirt kicking his legs and Merrill stepped over to help him get up. Then he pounded Merrill on the back leaving some good bruises and laughed some more and Merrill just grinned like Asmodeus and said “Pleased to meet you, sir,” so Father said “Oh, boy, I like you, who the hell are you, anyway?” and Ukele shouted “Oh, Dede, it’s Feruzi’s HUSBAND!” sounding disgusted as can be and Father whooped and started dancing around like a fool until Mother scolded him into stopping. Then the warriors gathered up Merrill and Durgrin and paraded them down to the river to wash up while the women used the bathhouse to make themselves pretty and Mother somehow made up a feast in about ten minutes with all the other women so overall it was a pretty good homecoming I think. Father has taken a shine to Merrill although neither of them can pronounce any part of the other’s name which they both think is hilarious for some reason but they very nearly stayed up all night boasting and telling increasingly ridiculous stories until Mother said pointedly “I think you should let your daughter have her husband back Tabi” which is what she calls Father when she’s annoyed with him. So Merrill is sitting here watching me scribble although I don’t expect he intends to be patient very much longer so I will finish up now before he starts in on the neck-nibbling and I get ink everywhere.

Stand and Deliver

Yay, my Standing Desk project is finished (for now).  Got my old desk taken out and the new high one put in.  It's quite comfortable to stand here typing, actually, although the workspace is a little tight.  Maybe I'll order a second identical table to go with this one.  Anyway, here's a not very good picture of what my workspace looks like now:

Skull and Shackles Session 31: The Reception

Feruzi shrugged at Chopper.  "That was . . . not as bad as it could have been, I suppose."

"Codswallop is what it is, pure and simple," Chopper growled.  Ezikial scowled in agreement.

"Are you all right, Merrill?" Feruzi asked.  Pegsworthy sighed.

"I will be.  It might take some time, though."

Feruzi began to fidget, glancing over at Chopper again, who tilted his head to the side and regarded her curiously.  "I have a . . . favor I want to ask you," she said, speaking to Pegsworthy.  "If you don't mind.  And, er, if Chopper doesn't mind."  Chopper's eyebrows shot up and Pegsworthy visibly shook off whatever was occupying his mind.

"Of course," Pegsworthy said.  "Anything."

"Merrill, um, will you be my husband?"  Feruzi asked, turning pink and looking down at her hands, which were clenched together so hard the bones might be in some danger.  Behind her, Ezikial's jaw sagged.  Even Reiko looked momentarily surprised, but it was nothing to Pegsworthy's blank astonishment.

"I . . . yes.  Yes, of course I will!" he finally managed.  Feruzi drooped in relief and sagged into Pegsworthy's shoulder as he put his arms around her.  "Always the unexpected with you," he murmured gently.

"Hell YEAH!"  Chopper enthused.  "Crisis could use a few babies wanderin' about, gettin' into mischief."  He grinned and elbowed Ezikial.  "Did you hear that, Mister Hands?  I'm gonna be an uncle!"

"Let's not get TOO far ahead of ourselves," Pegsworthy told Chopper, chuckling.

"Captain, I'm fairly sure she only asked him to marry her.  Babies typically come after that," Reiko corrected.

"Aye, SHORTLY after."

"Excuse me a moment, I have to kill my Captain," Feruzi said, recovering somewhat.  Chopper grinned.

"Excuse ME a moment, I need to run for my life!" he scampered toward the door and Reiko shook her head.

"We should probably get out of here, anyway," Feruzi said, not deigning to chase Chopper after all.

"I think that would be best," Pegsworthy said.  "Old Bonefist might change his mind.  Do, um, do any of you know where my ship is berthed?"

"Near the Crisis," Reiko said.

"Then let's be away.  I want to hear all about this island of yours, too."

Chopper rejoined them outside, grinning happily, and Feruzi addressed him in a sharp tone.  "I'm wondering what your rationale is for declaring that you're going to be an uncle," she said.

"Yer family.  Naturally, yer kids are my nieces and nephews.  Where's the confusion?"

"Oh, so it's me and not Merrill, then?"

"Both, really," Chopper said, mugging wildly.  "But I don't want to sully this with any weird incestuous notions."  Feruzi attempted to give him a reproving glare but wound up bursting into highly uncharacteristic giggles, causing Ezikial to lose control of his jaw again.  She detached herself from Pegsworthy and threw her arms around Chopper's shoulders.

"I'm getting married!"

"Damn yeah, you are.  And to someone worth marrying, even!"  Chopper scooped her up and twirled around before setting her back on her feet.  "Congratulations, Feruzi.  Truly."

"Thank you."

By this time, they were in earshot of the ship and drawing considerable attention.  "Feruzi's doin' what now?!" Rosie shouted from on deck.

"Becomin' a respectable woman!" Chopper yelled back.  "Can ye believe it?"

The halfling grinned.  "Don't reckon I can, Cap'n sir."

"Well, believe it, sailor.  That's an order.  Where's Sandara?"

"Dunno, Cap'n.  I kin send Caulky ter find 'er."

"Do that."

"Officers and guest to the chartroom, please," Ezikial said, leading the way.  He produced a bottle of whiskey like a conjurer's trick and poured a toast.  Feruzi took a careful sip, coughed in shock, and had to wipe tears from her eyes.  Chopper began telling Pegsworthy about their new acquisition, the ominously named 'Island of Empty Eyes' and kept up a stream of good-natured chatter until Sandara appeared, looking confused.  Ezikial promptly pressed a mug into her hand.

"Babies!" was Choppers succinct explanation.  Sandara's eyebrows knit.

"Oh so NOW ye wan' a piece o' me?"

Reiko rolled her eyes.  "What he means to say is that Feruzi and Captain Pegsworthy are getting married."

"Oh!"

"Well, sure, that's step one," Chopper allowed.

"Wait, really?" Sandara asked.

"Apparently so," Reiko said.  "I don't think Feruzi would have asked him to marry her if she didn't mean it."

"Congratulations!  When's th' bless'd date?"

"I thought I heard someone say 'tonight'," Chopper declared.  Pegsworthy eyed Feruzi, who shrugged slightly.

"I leave that up to you," she said.

"Why wait until tonight?  We could we here, right now."

"If that's what you want."

"Yes.  If you're ready."

"It was my idea, silly."

"Wait, first we'll need a dress!" Chopper interjected.  "CONCHOBAR!"

"I'm on it!" came the faint reply from outside the open door.

"Good man."

"But I have a dress . . ." Feruzi protested, startled when Conchobar appeared as if by teleportation and took hold of her hand to begin dragging her away.  The gnome shot her an offended look.

"It's bad luck for the groom to see it."

"But he's going to see it in a few minutes anyway?"  Her protests dwindled as Rosie and Conchobar working together propelled her from the room.  "Your customs are so odd.  At home there's just an exchange of livestock . . ."

"Is this t' be a proper weddin' or a Shackles marriage?" Sandara asked while Feruzi was otherwise occupied.

"Proper," was Pegsworthy's instant response.  "With plenty of witnesses, too."

"Fetch the crew of the Bonaventure?" Chopper suggested.  Pegsworthy nodded.  The Crisis was mobbed in short order, Labella, Durgrin, and Pinch adding to the officers in the chartroom while the crewmembers mingled on deck and eyed Fishguts's hasty preparations with an eye to some serious partying.  Everyone jumped and a few reached for weapons when there was a sudden, gut-wrenching scream of utter horror.  Feruzi appeared, walking with calm dignity and holding Conchobar under her arm like a purse while the gnome sobbed in a heartbroken fashion.  Chopper quickly trotted forward to rescue him.

"Sorry," Feruzi said, "but I'm not wearing all that frippery.  Just no."

"Not everyone appreciates style," Conchobar sniffled.  He seemed to be recovering rapidly, though, wiping his face and regaining his cheerful demeanor.

"You should have let her choose the dress for herself," Reiko admonished.

"What can I say," Conchobar said, spreading his hands helplessly.  "Gnome."  Chopper patted his back in consolation.

"Ye've still got me, lad."

Feruzi looked around at the crowd and frowned slightly.  "I . . . suppose I should ask my sister if she wants to attend."  That got a scowl out of Chopper.

"As you will.  I'll fetch her."  It was clear from his tone that there was no question of 'asking' about it.  He was gone only a moment, returning with Ukele at the end of a rope that held her wrists firmly together.

"Him?!" Ukele demanded, rolling her eyes at Pegsworthy.

"I like him," Feruzi said.

"But, Zizi, he's so ug--" Ukele froze in Feruzi's stare and bit off the word.  "And you complain about me making mistakes.  Well, don't let me get in the way of yours."  Chopper popped her on the back of her head.

"Zizi?" Reiko asked curiously.  Feruzi attempted to transfer her glare, but Reiko was, of course, immune. 

Ezikal chose to speak up, gesturing toward Ukele.  "I'll make a special exception and shoot her for you, Feruzi," he said.  "Just once, if you like."

"So tempting.  But I'd never hear the end of it."

"Well, if I kept shooting, you wouldn't have to hear about it . . ."

"No."  Feruzi took hold of Pegsworthy's arm.  "Shall we?"

"Of course."

Sandara held out her mug to Ezikial, who refilled it.  She took up a position at the head of the map table, gesturing with her mug as if she intended to bless--or perhaps merely douse--the proceeding with it.

"Friens, crewmates, assembl'd pirates, Besmara don' stand on cerem'ny an' nor will I.  We come from th' sea an' back down to th' see we'll go.  Fer those what choose t' spend th' time intwixt ter be wit summon they love enough t' make their one an' only, I say, fookin' great."  Feruzi felt Pegsworthy stiffen as he struggled to avoid laughing at Sandara's notion of a wedding ceremony.  They exchanged an amused look.  Fishguts produced a surprisingly lacy white handkerchief and began blubbering loudly while Sandara continued.  "In that spirit, Feruzi an' Merrill 'ere have asked me ter join 'em in holy matrimony.  So 'ere we go."  She paused and took a long pull from the mug, coughing.  "Besmara's britches that is good.

"All right.  So.  Feruzi, D'ye take this man ter be yer lawful-like husband, til the sea take yer back?"

Feruzi blinked at being addressed this way.  "Um . . . yes?"

"Whew!" Chopper announced.  Labella punched him in the arm and he subsided a bit.

"Now, Merrill, d'ye take this woman ter be yer lawful-type wife, til th' sea take ye back?"

"Of course I do," Pegsworthy said evenly.

"Great!  Then thass how it is.  Wi' tha power gi'en me by th Black Queen herself, I pronounce ye husband an' wife."  Sandara made a suggestive gesture with her mug.  "Ye should prolly kiss 'er now an' seal the deal."

"One thing first," Pegsworthy told her.  He slid the ring off his hand--or tried to, it took a hefty pull to get it over the knuckle--and grimaced in rueful amusement at the pale line left on his finger.  "I've had this a long time, as you can see.  My mother gave it to me when I first went to sea in the hopes that it would insure my eventual return.  It seems to have worked, although perhaps not as she expected.  If I may?"  Feruzi extended her hand wordlessly and he slid it onto one of her slim fingers, the ring shifting as he did so to fit snugly.  "Wear it and know that I love you."  Feruzi looked stricken, searching visibly for something to say.  Pegsworthy gave her an odd half-smile and gathered her into his arms.

"Besmara help me if this gives Grok any ideas," Ezikial muttered as Pegsworthy lifted Feruzi off her feet and kissed her in a fashion that threatened to upset the map table.  Nearly everyone else in the room was weeping apart from Pinch and Reiko.

"Welp," Sandara concluded, wiping her face.  "Thass one done, anyway.  Anybody else?"

"Not to interrupt the wonderful mood, but, don't you have something you may want to tell us?" Reiko asked.  Sandara blushed.

"Well, it's wonderful too. Mebbe not AS wonderful, but... I got me a beau!"

"Captain Jerrell, I presume?"

"Aye."

"Oh, now there's a smart match," Chopper said, pleased.

"THANK ye, Cap'n, I'm inclined t' agree.  E's a gennelman, but not TOO proper an all."

"Damn right.  So where is 'e?"

"Oh, 'e were busy wit his own things.  Had I known what were goin' on 'ere I woulda brung 'im.  Caulky din't ezactly esplain herself."

"Too bad," Chopper said.

"So do we commence celebratin?"

"Of course!"

The party almost immediately spilled off the deck of the Crisis--gathering up a number of innocent bystanders--and threatened to engulf the Bonaventure, but Pinch forestalled this by removing his spectacles and favoring the raucous partiers with a fearsome red-eyed glare that dispatched them into the nearby taverns to wreak their havoc.  "Thanks," Pegsworthy told him.  The devilish quartermaster shrugged.  "I know my duty, Captain.  You have enough problems."

Feruzi took advantage of the distraction to collar Chopper for a moment. "We should really do something about that fine.  Or I should, since it's my fault."

He nodded.  "Make it happen.  Call it a bridegroom gift or summat."

"I think I may have a better idea if you don't mind me leaving the ship for a week or so."

"Eh?  Honeymoon?"

"Merrill offered to take Ukele home for us.  I want to go with him.  Apart from everything else, my family will want to bestow my share of goods on him.  Normally I'd use them to establish my own household, but that's a little out of the question here."

"Well, if that's what ye want.  Think ye can find yer way back to us after?"

"Of course.  You're family."

"Heh, no, I meant CAN you.  Yer no navigator."  Chopper gave Feruzi a playful shove.  She grinned and punched him on the shoulder, then walked off to rejoin her husband.  Reiko intercepted her and handed her an oddly-shaped stoppered carafe.

"There is a custom where I come from that a couple should share a glass of this with each other on their wedding night.  Or day.  It would make me happy if you would accept this gift and share it."

"Thank you, Reiko."  The little samurai nodded and left.  Feruzi shook her head.  "I know it's only just noon, but I've had about all of this I can take," she added, turning to Merrill.

"Me too, truth be told," he said.  "Shall we leave them to it?"

"Yes, please."  Merrill nodded to Pinch as they climbed aboard the Bonaventure.  He ushered Feruzi inside and, closing the door, locked it securely.

* * *

Two weeks later, the Island of Empty Eyes crept over the horizon ahead of Crisis.  The first challenge of their new home found them only moments later in the form of low-lying shoals and barrier reefs that ringed the island to a distance of nearly half a mile.  Reiko and Leila put their heads together over the map given them by the Master of the Gales.

"Make fer the bay," Chopper said, pointing over Leila's shoulder.  "I don't fancy leavin' Crisis so far from shelter this close to the Eye."

"Let's hope it's not more grindylows and sahuagin," Feruzi said.

"Don't jinx us," Reiko told her.

"Oh, c'mon now, the sea's not so predictable.  Like as not it'll send us something worse," Chopper said, grinning.

"Like a giant dragon turtle?"  Feruzi asked.  Chopper feigned a yawn.

"Seen it."

White sandy beaches encircled the deep, sheltered bay at the south end of the island.  To the north a waterfall plummeted from a high escarpment visible above the treeline.  The white stone walls of a seaside fort gleamed to the west of them, supporting a single tall tower that was crowned with a torch-like fixture of sparkling crystal.

"What is that?" Feruzi asked as they dropped anchor.  "A wizard's tower?"

"Gods willing, no," Chopper said, making a warding sign.

"That fort might make a fine base camp f'r explorin' the rest o the isle," Fishguts suggested.

"Assuming it's not occupied," Feruzi said gloomily.  "What am I saying.  Of course it's occupied."

"Then let's go see if we need to evict any squatters," Chopper said.

"Or at least charge them rent," Feruzi shot back.  Chopper stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Shrewd."  They made preparations for lowering the ship's boat, but were interrupted rather severely when a regular forest of slimy purplish tentacles sprouted all around the ship, grabbing at anyone and everyone on deck.  Ezikial sprang onto the rail and began firing wildly over the side, filling the water with inky blood while Feruzi staggered from a slimy blow.  She managed to avoid being grabbed and pulled overboard, but others were not so lucky.

"Oy, beastie, them's me crew!" Chopper bellowed and chopped a tentacle neatly in half, forcing the octopus to release Marteen, who splashed unceremoniously overboard.  Feruzi joined Ezikial at the rail.  It was not clear at first what effect her arrows were having, but then the entire ship shuddered as the octopus beneath it writhed in agony.  It heaved itself partway out of the water, beak opening, only to meet Reiko's katana headed the other way, rendering it instant calamari.

"So much for the welcoming committee," Feruzi grunted, helping soaked crew out of the water.  The octopus, indeed, proved to be a superior island feature compared to the fort, which on closer inspection seemed to be abandoned. 

Ezikial frowned at the battered stonework and torn gates.  "Those towers are ready collapse.  Anything might topple them now."

Portrait: Chopper

After doing Feruzi, I decided to get all ambitious and try doing Chopper as well.  It didn't turn out quite as well, I think.  Part of the problem is that I'm using sketchbook paper which doesn't have a very smooth finish to it: this adds some granularity that may not be desirable.  But it's not bad, either:

My first attempt was, frankly, bad.  I made the coat dark red which looked horrible--vibrant colors do not work well with this method.  Oh well.

Caffeine, Vitamins, and I

Here's an interesting observation (well, I found it interesting, anyway).  I got out of the habit of taking my vitamins for a while and I felt tired and drained a lot of the time.  I didn't notice it immediately, so I wound up ascribing the problem to caffeine because whenever I would have some, I'd feel utterly exhausted a couple of hours later.

Now, I've started taking my vitamins again and the difference is shocking.  I have so much energy that I actually feel restless and bored when I'm not actively doing something.  And caffeine no longer makes me feel exhausted.  I've heard rather a lot lately about how vitamins aren't digested properly so taking them may be a waste of time, but when I can feel the difference that dramatically I think that my supplements are definitely having a beneficial effect.

Feruzi's Portrait

Finally got around to doing up a portrait of Feruzi:

I'm really pleased with how this turned out--particularly with how I figured out how to add the color.  This was originally a plain pencil sketch, no kidding.  This method just works perfectly with my sketching style and might actually make a webcomic into a doable endeavor instead of a colossal pain in my butt.  Neat.

Skull and Shackles Interlude: Arbitrary Arbitration

Is it a good sign or a bad one that Kerdak Bonefist looks more than a little hung over this morning? Pegsworthy thought as the Master of the Gales escorted him into the audience chamber.  From the sound of the celebrations last night--audible even in the brig of the Kraken--there wouldn't be many pirates eager to face the day.  The Council table seemed to bear that out; only Tessa Fairwind and Avimar Sorrinash were arrayed beside Bonefist.  Tessa gave Pegsworthy a faint, restrained nod, which he returned.  Sorrinash merely sneered.  The audience chamber was otherwise nearly empty, only a few random  hangers-on occupied the benches.  Harrigan was nowhere in sight.

"Whass this about, then?" Bonefist demanded.

"The Master requests us to sit in judgment of Free Captain Merrill Pegsworthy, who stands accused of breaking the Truce of the Free Captains' Regatta by attacking three of Free Captain Barnabus Harrigan's men, Lord."  Tessa's voice was firm and to the point, betraying no touch of personal consideration.

"Izzat so?  Never liked that Harrigan.  I take it 'e were provoked?"

Sorrinash grunted.  "Like Harrigan er not, yer Majesty, the evidence can nay be refuted.  Pegsworthy here attacked Harrigan's men an' killed two of them, the Truce then being in effect.  I'd say that calls for a hangin', it does.  Don't want ter go settin' a bad example, like."  He grinned wolfishly.

"Hanging is hardly indicated," Tessa shot back.  "He stands accused of attacking Harrigan's men, not Harrigan himself.  Nor did he interfere with the race.  The accounts of witnesses indicate that the killings were not at Pegsworthy's hands, but at the hands of one of his crew in an effort to save his life after he was already down and unable to defend himself.  Pegsworthy may have initiated the fight, but Harrigan's men escalated it."

"Ye sound like a godsdammed lawyer this mornin', fair Tess," Bonefist said.

Tessa shot him a prim look.  "I'm sorry, Lord, but this is no small matter.  The Truce has always been difficult to enforce."

"Harrigan an' Pegsworthy bin at each other's throats fer many a year.  Why ain't Harrigan here ter gloat?  He got somethin' ter hide?"  Bonefist asked.

"I couldn't say, Lord."

"Hmm.  What about yer, Mister Captain Pegsworthy?  What have yer ter say?"

"I have little enough to add, Lord.  Yes, Harrigan and I are . . . not fond of each other.  Yes, I knowingly led an attack on three of his men who were . . . accompanying a young lady who was placed in my charge."

"So yer were provoked?"  Bonefist was beginning to sound annoyed.  Pegsworthy heard the door open behind him and the sound of footsteps approaching the benches.  He caught sight of Chopper out of the corner of his eye and felt a powerful sense of relief.  Chopper had some lady with him . . . no, that was Feruzi.  In a dress.  Oh wow--"Are yer payin' attention, man?!"

"I . . . sorry, Lord.  They did not threaten me, if that's what you're asking."  Pegsworthy forced his eyes back in Bonefist's direction, but they kept wanting to crawl over in Feruzi's direction.

"Did they threaten yer 'young lady'?"

"Not . . . precisely, Lord.  Not in so many words."

"The impulse to defend one's mate from even the suggestion of danger is a powerful strong one," The Master spoke up suddenly.  "In the throes of lust, a man may find himself construing threat where none exists."  Everyone stared at him in horror, even Sorrinash.  Pegsworthy could feel his face turning red and found himself wishing that Chopper and Feruzi had not come, after all.

"Ahem," Tessa said, breaking the deadlock.  "Thank you for that . . . useful observation, Master."

"It doesn't seem ter me that hangin' be the solution ter this problem," Bonefist rumbled.

"Exile, then?" Sorrinash tossed off.  Pegsworthy heard Feruzi gasp.

"Nah, doesn't suit."

"At the very least ye should strip him of his Letters of Marque.  Otherwise there'll be brawls in the streets when the news gets out," Sorrinash growled.

"Then they'll learn their mistake right quick," Bonefist snapped.  "Do yer think I canna handle a few brawls?  Think I'm gettin' soft, do yer?"

"No, Lord."

"See yer remember that."

"I . . . think stripping Pegsworthy of his Marque might be a bit harsh," Tessa said.  "I would vote against such a measure."

"Yer would, eh?  Well I don't intend ter call fer a vote.  This ain't a matter for the Council.  I'll decide it meself with no bickering from you lot."

"Lord . . ." Tessa started.

"BE SILENT.  I've had enough o' yer lawyerin' fer one day.  An' yer too, Sorrinash, ye bloodthirsty mutinous dog.  Pegsworthy!"

"Yes, lord?"

"Ye're hearby ordered ter pay a tribute of ten thousand gold sails ter Captain Harrigan by the end o' this month, else I will exile yer stupid self from the Shackles.  An' yer banned from the Regatta from this day on.  Are we clear?"

"Yes, Lord."

"I don't envy yer the fun you'll have when the likes o' Harrigan find out they don't ever have ter worry about yer sittin' in judgment o' them.  Now clear the damn court.  Audience is over."  Without waiting to see if his orders were carried out, Bonefist heaved himself out of his chair and left.  The Master scowled deep in his beard while Sorrinash sneered even more than before at Bonefist's retreating back.  Tessa frowned and shook her head.

Pegsworthy grimaced, knowing the truth of Bonefist's prophecy.  The Free Captains generally avoided preying on each other, but this was mostly because anyone might win the Regatta and wind up with a seat on the Council.  This ban was equivalent to the declaration that if anyone set their sights on the Bonaventure, the Council intended to remain coldly indifferent.  To some men, that would sound the same as tacit approval.  And ten thousand gold sails . . . it wasn't an impossible sum, far from it, but Pegsworthy hated to hand that kind of gelt over to Harrigan.  He'd have to strip the Bonaventure down to bare essentials and probably sell quite a few things for far less than they were worth to raise the money before the deadline.  Pinch would be unbearable for weeks.  He was so lost in thought that he nearly jumped out of his skin when Chopper clapped a hand on his shoulder.