An Open Letter to Molly McIsaac

To Molly McIsaac:

I saw the Fangasm episode where you and your fellow fans were tasked with collecting signatures for Geek Pride day, and your reaction to the dancing girls reminded me of something that's been annoying me lately.  I'm not sure you realize this, but the only person there who was treating those girls like sexualized pieces of meat was . . . you.  YOU were the one who referred to them as "boobs and ass", not as women.  Not as people. Did you bother to talk to them before you went off and described their actions as demeaning?  Maybe they really are fans of comic books.  But you didn't bother to ask.  You just assumed, even though you complained bitterly about people making assumptions about *you* and how hard that has made *your* life.  Yet this hasn't taught you to extend the same courtesy to others?  The fact that they are attractive and like to show it off to whoever enjoys it does not somehow render them subhuman and beneath consideration.  The fact that someone enjoys such a display does not turn them into the enemy.

I know what it's like to hate your body and torture yourself over your perceived inadequacies.  I'm not saying that your feelings are trivial or that your struggle to overcome them is invalid, but cut people some slack.  It's very human to want to be appreciated, and when we are not it's so, so easy to imagine that it is someone's fault, whether ours or someone else's.  This is such an appealing fantasy, for it makes people out to be masters of the universe instead of simply people, all with our own struggles, joys, and pains.  Heck, if you think women have it hard, look at men.  They want us to appreciate them just as much as we want them to appreciate us, yet you went and complained about the guys in the hot-tub being the "least sexy hot-tub experience ever".  You're guilty of acting toward men the way you complain men act toward you.  Is it possible the real problem is inside your mind?

Let me be clear: you're not wrong to be angry about all the b.s. in the world, and there is a lot of it.  Feelings are not *wrong*.  But I think you can do better, turn your feelings into something more constructive for yourself and for others.  If you see something that bothers you, think about how you can turn the experience around into something positive.  Ask to go backstage and talk to the costumed dancers about the characters they're portraying.  Talk to the guys about your expectations.  They may surprise you by revealing their own doubts, loneliness, and craving for acceptance.  It doesn't have to be about men vs. women.  We can all be human beings together.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Snow