Holiday Greetings Form Letter for the Busy and Destitute

I know the holidays can be a hectic time, especially for hardworking folks like myself, so in order to help alleviate the strain on those who have neither the time to write a completely original greeting for everyone that they know nor the money to purchase a meaningful gift, I offer this form letter.

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Dear [Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Friend, Co-worker],

I thought of you today and recalled with fondness all the wonderful times we have spent together, especially that day when [insert cute and/or embarrassing memory here, or, optionally, invent one to see if your acquaintance is experiencing memory loss]. I wish I had more time to spend with you so that we could do that again!

In token of my affection for the many people that fill my life with joy, I decided to get everyone a special gift this year; an iPod Mini. Unfortunately, due to the precarious state of my finances I was not able to afford enough of them for everyone. In fact, I was only able to obtain a single iPod. In the interests of fairness I have decided to divide the parts of the iPod up between you. While I realize that part of an iPod may not be if immediate use to you, it is my hope that I will be able to gradually save up the money to purchase more parts and thus, eventually, gift everyone with the complete iPod that they so richly deserve.

In order to save on postage and to prevent the parts from being damaged by disassembly, I have decided that I will make space in my desk to store all the iPod parts until I can send out the completed units. Until then, here is a photograph of your 1/[number of people receiving this letter]th of an iPod.

[picture]

Happy Holidays!

Love,

[Your name]

P.S. If you’re still trying to decide what to get me, I would dearly love to have 1/[number of people receiving this letter]th of an iPod, which you now own. In fact, you wouldn’t even need to go shopping or buy stamps!
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(It occurs to me that I seem to recall seeing a joke similar to this somewhere, but I entreat you to remember that to be completely true to type, lame humor should also lack originality, in which case this fits the bill perfectly.)