On a (Somewhat) Related Note

Apparently the federal government has decided I’m a dangerous subversive. Or, at least that’s what Admin@fbi.gov seems to be indicating in his (her?) massive bulk emailings that for some reason keep winding up in my inbox.

Clearly my patriotism and deep belief in the principle of Rule of Law has triggered some kind of warning in the bowels of the FBI’s electronic surveillance machinery and forced them to send me cryptic messages with attachments on them. It is a sad indication of how poorly funded our federal law enforcement really is that they have to resort to email instead of, say, kicking the door down and putting everyone in handcuffs the way they do in movies.

I’m sorry to report that the email just isn’t cutting it. First off, I don’t know the addressee personally, so I haven’t opened any of them. I don’t want to get a virus. Hence I don’t know what it is that I’m supposed to be doing wrong. So, if the FBI wants me to stop whatever it is that I’m doing they’re going to have to come and tell me personally.

Now, knowing how strapped they are for cash, I don’t want to incur any unnecessary expenses, so I will be happy to supply a small bribe in appreciation of their efforts. So, the first FBI agent that shows up at my house (and can prove it), keeping in mind that a polite knock or ring on the doorbell will more than suffice to get me to open the door, will receive a coupon for LaRosa’s pizza, Jiffy Lube oil change, or whatever happens to be lying there on the table. Hey, you send me junk mail, you get junk mail. What goes around comes around.

No, I’m not going to supply my address. You’re the FBI, figure it out yourself. Sheesh.

P.S. I can also inform on many more dangerous subversives, namely the people that keep sending me the Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie video. At least, I think that’s what they’re sending me, I don’t open their emails either.